My “Rating”: MD mentioned to me before our vacation that once we got back, She was expecting me to “step up my game” as far as being Her sh. So upon our return, i asked MD how She would grade me to date, in my level of submission and servant hood. Md’s response was that one a scale from 1-10, with 10 being Her expectations, She would give me a “3”. Wow, that caught me by surprise. i thought i had actually been doing a pretty good job the last few weeks. i knew i had things to improve but a “3”!?
It has taken me a few days to accept this fact and understand what i need to do to drastically improve being Md’s sh. i think the hardest thing about being in a WLM, is the difference between “acting” submissive and “being” submissive. When you are “acting submissive”, you are behaving in a certain way or following Her expectations when She is around. But “being” MD’s submissive is also about changing my mindset and the way i perceive things in my new role.
It dawned on me this morning driving to work that a perfect example of my resistant behavior happened this weekend. We went to a grocery store to restock after being gone for a week. When we used to shop the “old me” usually went ahead of MD and i would go get things on the shopping list or scout out what was new on the shelf. MD now expects me to walk with or behind her when we are shopping (but definitely not out in front of Her!) And for a while this weekend i would walk beside/behind Her and then after a bit i would get in front of MD, especially if She was taking Her time looking at something. My reasoning at the time, was that i was trying to help MD find something on Her list and that way i could make things faster and easier for Her. Whether or not my intentions were good or not was not the point, i was not “submitting” to MD’s expectations and instructions, and i was behaving independently and thus counter to who i should be.
Learning to surrender my autonomy to MD and submit to Her complete governance is where i continue to need to grow. In a WLM, the husband can’t be a submissive most of the time, or even 80% to 90% of the time and expect it to work. It is a commitment to the goal of complete dedication every day to submit his actions and mind to his Wife. i have a long way to go…
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.