Monthly Archives: May 2014

Stepping Up my Game -Part 1

29 Thursday May 2014

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My “Rating”: MD mentioned to me before our vacation that once we got back, She was expecting me to “step up my game” as far as being Her sh. So upon our return, i asked MD how She would grade me to date, in my level of submission and servant hood. Md’s response was that one a scale from 1-10, with 10 being Her expectations, She would give me a “3”. Wow, that caught me by surprise. i thought i had actually been doing a pretty good job the last few weeks. i knew i had things to improve but a “3”!?

It has taken me a few days to accept this fact and understand what i need to do to drastically improve being Md’s sh. i think the hardest thing about being in a WLM, is the difference between “acting” submissive and “being” submissive. When you are “acting submissive”, you are behaving in a certain way or following Her expectations when She is around. But “being” MD’s submissive is also about changing my mindset and the way i perceive things in my new role.

It dawned on me this morning driving to work that a perfect example of my resistant behavior happened this weekend. We went to a grocery store to restock after being gone for a week. When we used to shop the “old me” usually went ahead of MD and i would go get things on the shopping list or scout out what was new on the shelf. MD now expects me to walk with or behind her when we are shopping (but definitely not out in front of Her!) And for a while this weekend i would walk beside/behind Her and then after a bit i would get in front of MD, especially if She was taking Her time looking at something. My reasoning at the time, was that i was trying to help MD find something on Her list and that way i could make things faster and easier for Her. Whether or not my intentions were good or not was not the point, i was not “submitting” to MD’s expectations and instructions, and i was behaving independently and thus counter to who i should be.

Learning to surrender my autonomy to MD and submit to Her complete governance is where i continue to need to grow. In a WLM, the husband can’t be a submissive most of the time, or even 80% to 90% of the time and expect it to work. It is a commitment to the goal of complete dedication every day to submit his actions and mind to his Wife. i have a long way to go…

Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

The Dungeon

26 Monday May 2014

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A Play Party: MD and i went to a private dungeon party this weekend in Dallas. This was our first time at an actual bondage and discipline dungeon. We had been to some smaller demonstrations before, but this was a large facility with numerous “activities” going on all at the same time. We were there a couple of hours just walking around and observing, (and i will add that, MD looked very hot!) Afterward we went to get drinks and something to eat and discussed what we observed. Even though there were people naked or semi naked getting spanked or put into bondage, neither of us felt it was a very erotic scene, but if was fascinating. There was a difference though in what we observed to be couples playing together and those who had “negotiated” play. (This is where a Dom/Domme and sub negotiate a scene and act it out but don’t have a true relationship.) Though it sounds weird, the couples playing together seemed to have a true tenderness about them – (as they beat the shit out of the other!) You could tell by the way they interacted in between the blows. They would take time to caress or touch where the sub had been struck or where the next blow was going to be placed.

There were a multitude of different “devices” that could be used by the participants at the event. There were flogs, whips, canes, paddles, etc., as well as, X-crosses, spanking benches, cages, tables, chains, and hooks. You name it and they had it, even specialty and medical rooms for role playing. MD asked me what devices i found interesting. The two devices that i would have loved to have at the house (though hard to explain to the kids when they are home) were the X-cross and cages. When MD spanks me, i prefer to be locked up so i can’t move. Sometimes MD will make me get across Her lap or just bend over the bed. To me that is more difficult since i know i can raise up or turn around if the pain gets intense and i have to force myself to remain in the spanking position. When tied up, that option is negated and I am truly at MD’s mercy.

i also love the idea of being “caged”. MD has used a closet and a large dog kennel as “cages” before but the ones at the dungeon were very impressive. (One of my most erotic memories was MD locking me in a kennel in our living room as She took Her boy toy to our bedroom to play.) i told MD that i could see us at the dungeon party again and Her locking me in one of the cage in my pink panties, blindfolded and gagged while She went and played with another sub. i guess being caged is also a type of symbol for the way MD is “caging” me in our new lifestyle. She is slowly removing many of the old “adult” freedoms i had and locking me away under Her control. Though not physically caged, i feel my freedoms being restricted or removed.

Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

my Moment of Zen

25 Sunday May 2014

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Living the Dream:
Sometimes in the mundane moments of life the biggest truths can be revealed, well at least that is the case in my life. i had one of my great epiphanies a couple of days ago, and it just happened to be in the shower. It started the day before when i was reading a Facebook posting and it said, “Don’t follow your dreams, chase them”. i have seen many similar sayings such as “Live Your Purpose”; “A Purpose Driven Life”; or ‘You have to dream before your dreams can come true.”, but i always struggled with that because defining my dream has been very difficult. i desire to be a great husband, a great father, a good businessman, in school a good student, etc. How do you create a vision statement that encompasses all of a person desires into one succinct statement?

In the shower it dawned on me. What have been my dreams throughout my life? What have i dreamt of for as long as i could remember? Then it dawned on me. Well actually, there are two dreams i have had since i was a small child. The first was to play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. That dreamed died about the age of 16 under the weight of several defensive lineman. But the one dream that i have had since i was a child was to be kept as a submissive. Even before i even knew what sex was, i dreamed of being kept by an older girl as her slave. Then as i got older my fantasies were to be a submissive to a dominant female. For almost 50 years i have had the same basic dream, and now under the leadership of MD, i really am “living my dream”.

Our Vacation

24 Saturday May 2014

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Vacation:
MD and i have just returned from a week’s vacation in California. We had a wonderful trip where we had a chance to see some incredible scenery, had beautiful weather and enjoyed some fantastic meals. In addition, MD took advantage of the time away to strengthen Her control over me. Since it was virtually impossible that we would run into anyone who would know us, MD took advantage of this fact. Before we left MD bought a bracelet that had a large leather strap and a Queen crown on it. While in California i was made to wear it out in public. It is very noticeable and conspicuous and i noticed several people looking at it.

Since we had a rental car, MD had also purchased several stickers and made me put three of them on the car so they were noticeable. The stickers said, “Yes Mistress”; “Sissy Cuckold” and “I Totally Agree”. (i have included a picture of them before removing them near the airport.) MD had also purchased me a shirt a while back with the words “Dominant/submissive” on the front of the shirt and on the back in small letters was “deviant”. MD had me wear that shirt one day while She wore a shirt with a large Queen Crown on it. We were doing a wine tasting that day and i caught the guy who was hosting it looking at my shirt several times.

In the mornings, i was required to go get MD’s breakfast and serve Her in bed. At lunch and dinner, i was not allowed to order, She ordered for both of us and of course made all the purchases. Several times the wait staff looked at me funny, when MD would say “and he will have…” while i sat there stoically. In addition, for two days i was made to wear a diaper and MD required me go to the bathroom in them while we traveled. She is buying me the Depend’s “Real Fit” brief style and i have to admit they are very absorbent. MD likes them because they will hold at least two large bladder releases without leaking (and sometimes another smaller one). This means i am wearing a wet diaper for several hours which She thoroughly enjoys.
California was a wonderful trip and we brought back a ton of memories and pictures. But the real adventure is what we are living every day, and for that i am the most thankful.

Our Life

18 Sunday May 2014

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my Life:
As mentioned in previous blogs, we live in a small community outside of Fort Worth, TX. MD and i have been married for almost 17 years and it is the second marriage for both of us. We have a blended family with 3 almost grown children. (One has one more year of college left!) We are empty nesters (yea!!) except for our two large dogs. Both of us have been with our respective companies for over 10 years and though we long for the weekends for the time we have together, we both have jobs we usually enjoy (but depending on the day, not so much!) MD and i both have advanced degrees and would be considered upper middle class financially.

MD tells me She began having Her Domme thoughts at an early age. i know that was true for me with my sub fantasies. Even before i knew of sex, i dreamed of being kidnapped by older girls and being made to be their slave and clean their rooms and serve them.

MD and i met online back in the days of AOL chat. She lived in the town where i had previously lived and we began to have numerous conversations online and then on the phone. It was two months of chatting till we discovered our mutual Domme/sub interests. We then met for a “play” weekend and a few months later i moved back to be near and eventually marry Her. It was by far the best decision of my life!!

Though i have always believed we had a great marriage this new adventure is something amazing.

sh’s blog

16 Friday May 2014

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Our Relationship- this first paragraph is the same on each post:
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

This blog began as a way for me to chronicle the changes in my marriage which began a few weeks ago. The intent is not to see how many views it receives or to attempt to excite or titillate an audience. In fact, i have no idea if any one reads it as i don’t publish the blog, know the password, nor even where the link is to it. i email copies of my blog to MD and She then chooses if She wants to publish any of them.

MD and i live in a small community outside of Fort Worth, TX. My commute is about 45 minutes each way. i used to spend the time to work and home listening to sports radio, but that too has changed. Most of the time, especially in the mornings, i don’t even turn on the radio. The travel time is my “writing” time. (No, i don’t write while driving, though i am shocked by what people do while driving a car!) It is my time to reflect, ponder and create my blog in my head. i then type it later that night if i finish my chores in time or first thing the next morning as i am doing today.

My intent of the blog is not to champion any cause or try to influence anyone to take up the lifestyle that MD and i have chosen for us. In fact, i would argue against it for many people. To take this step you must both have a huge amount of trust in each other and your relationship. Not only do i have to trust MD that She will watch over and protect us, but MD has to trust that i am not going to “change my mind” and rebel against Her authority down the road. When just being in a Domme/sub relationship at times, you are only sub to a point. You can choose when not to be sub or what areas of your life you want to hold back. In a WLM that can’t be the case. i am striving to submit all areas in my life to MD’s leadership and authority.

If you would have asked me a couple of months ago how i would describe my marriage i would have said, “incredible”, “fantastic” or “amazing”. But in the past couple of months i am more in love with my Wife and even more ecstatic to be married to Her than ever before. i do not have the words to adequately describe how i feel about Her and us, as i have run out of superlatives. This blog is a way for me to try to communicate what is going on in my head and my heart as well as describe the changes in our lives. So if you do have any questions or comments, please feel free to address them to MD, as along with Her title of Masteress, She is also the Editor and Chief Publisher of the MDsh blog.

Cuckolding from MD

14 Wednesday May 2014

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Why do I cuckold my sh

I did not start out in our relationship thinking about taking another lover, I loved our sex life and loved daydreaming/fantasizing about having sex with only my guy. Well, let me be perfectly honest, and the occasional woman.

When we first started playing with another submissive guy, it did not start out with me having sex with him. But we became close and comfortable with each other (all three of us) that it naturally progressed. Then it happened, there was such a sense of power when I started having sex with the other guy and then add to that the humiliation for my sh when I was having sex with the other guy.

Then it progressed from there, I went out on lunch dates and night time dates with the other guy and WOW. Once while in bed having sex with the other guy, I had my sh tied up to the door and made him watch and between the feelings of power, lust, sexual energy, something new cropped up, I saw a look on my sh face that went from excited to humiliated back to excited and I liked that look. And I LOVED the feeling within me, the power, the confidence, it moved my Domme meter up several notches.

No one could EVER take the place of my sh (husband, lover, best friend, confidant, sub hubby) so plotting to leave with another man just does not do anything for me. I do not even fantasize about leaving and believe me, during my first marriage that is all I ever thought about. But, taking on a lover to cuckold my sh is something that just puts me over the top sexually. MD

“good boy”

14 Wednesday May 2014

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Our Relationship – this paragraph is the same each post:
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

“Good Boy”:
MD’s dominance and control over me are becoming more and more evident as we progress in our WLM. Twice now MD has made me wear diapers and been made to use them instead of being allowed to go to the bathroom. When at the house and in Her presence, if i wish to go to another room, i must request her permission to be excused. If She gives me a command to go do something, i am to repeat the command back before leaving to obey Her. If i want a snack or something to drink, i must seek MD’s permission.
MD’s control now even extends even to my work place. If i need to leave my office to go to the bathroom or get a glass of water from the cafeteria, i must text MD, asking Her permission and waiting to get Her approval. i then must text Her to know that i am back at my desk. When i am ready to leave for the day, i must text MD and get Her permission to shut down. This way MD also knows when i should be arriving home.

In light of MD’s controls, you would think i might feel rebellious or chafe under Her restrictions and requirements, but that is not the case. In fact, i feel incredibly lucky. This morning while at work i had to ask MD’s permission to go wash out my cup. After i got back to my office, i texted MD to let Her know. MD texted me back “good boy”. She often uses this phrase when i follow one of Her commands. But, that simple phrase She uses does something hypnotic to me. One reason is the way MD says it, with a coy smile and a bit of a smirk. The words are both patronizing and humiliating but at the same time it flips a switch in me that makes me excited, submissive and proud all at the same time. i crave to hear those words from Her. i want to please her, but by reveling in her praise (even if it is a humiliating praise!) i am pulled even deeper under Her control. All i know is that we submissive “boys” are strangely wired!

Getting Lucky

13 Tuesday May 2014

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Our Relationship- this paragraph is the same each posting:
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

MD’s Orgasm:
MD came hard last night! i had gone to sleep at my normal 9:00 bedtime while MD stayed up to read. After a while, i woke back up and She said, “good, I am glad you are awake, I want to use you.” MD told me that She wanted me to put a finger inside Her and suck on Her breast while She used the vibrator on Herself. Normally MD cums very quickly, but not last night. As MD took her time, She gave me instructions on what She wanted me to do to Her. Finally, after a few minutes, with Her pressure reaching its zenith, She experienced a lengthy (and very loud) climax. MD then told me to turn over, She cuddled up behind me and we went to sleep.
i tell this story, one because i love remembering it. (My grandfather always told everyone, “If you heard this story before, don’t stop me, I love telling it again.”) The other reason is the way i felt during this time. i love playing with MD. She is an incredible lover and i absolutely am thrilled when She cums. But in the past, even if i was just playing with her, there was always a desire or hope that it would turn into a release for me. Last night was different. i didn’t even hold on to that thought. My only focus was helping Her reach an orgasm. i was simply part of Her toy collection last night; my finger, my mouth, Her vibrator. All were simply tools for Her pleasure. There is a type of joy that a submissive experiences when he can assist his Masteress to receive pleasure that is simply amazing. i was very lucky last night.

Protocol

12 Monday May 2014

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Our Relationship – this paragraph is the same each posting: As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.

Protocol:
MD is training me how She wants me to behave in certain situations and what the protocols are to serve Her. For example, when we are inside and having a discussion i am to sit at Her feet, looking up at Her. If i am home when She gets up, i am to be on my knees in a bowing position, head down and hands outstretched. She will come and stand on my hands and say “good boy” and I am allowed to kiss Her feet and thank MD for allowing me to serve Her that day.
When serving MD drinks or bringing Her food, MD has also established certain requirements. Almost always i am to have my MDsh apron on and bring Her the food or drink on a serving tray. MD will have me bring the tray to Her and then bend over slightly at the waist with my head and eyes down. When She is ready, MD will either motion or tell me to go ahead and serve Her. i then am to wait until MD has a bite or a sip to see if it is satisfactory. At meals if She is pleased, then She will tell me then to go fix my plate and come join Her. i have noticed lately, that sometimes when i come to serve Her, MD will have me wait a few moments before She acknowledges me. MD may be busy reading or working on something, but She doesn’t stop for me, i am stand there quietly until She acknowledges me.
Both my texting and responses have also changed. No longer is it “yes”, “no” or “ok”. It is now the answer with an acknowledgement of who She is, e.g., “Yes, Ma’am” or “No, Masteress”. When going somewhere, I am to open the door for Her and wait until She is ready and then i can close the door and load the car if necessary.
MD has also been teaching me how to avoid i contact when helping Her dress. First a confession, i love to see MD naked! But, with that being said, i am now no longer permitted to look upon Her without permission. Lately MD has been having me help dress and undress Her. When doing so, i must either keep my eyes up looking into Her eyes or to the side. It is so very frustrating to know that MD is naked and right there in front of me and not be able to gaze upon Her!
i love the way that MD is training me to be a proper sh and the fact She has such high expectations for me. I know She has much more to teach me and Her expectations are only getting more strict.