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What i Need: 8/13/14: The last few weeks i have done some traveling for work and i have hated it. i used to travel a lot in my previous job and that was one of the major reasons i took my current position, to get off the road as much. Besides all the traditional reasons for hating traveling, the lack of sleep, bad food, the travel delays, etc., the main reason for me is that i miss MD. i love being with Her and hate when we are not together. i know that most married couples don’t like to spend all their extra time together, but we really do. MD is my best friend and i love being with Her.
With that being said, during this last few days of travel, it also reminded me of what i need from MD. As we move further down the WLM, i am beginning to realize there are things i may not necessarily want, but there are things that i need from Her.
1) i need Her Discipline – When traveling, i miss not having the structure and order that comes from being around MD. i enjoy following Her rules, which is an amazing thing coming from the anti-rule person. i always said, “rules are mere suggestions.” Now i want Her rules. i am also finding i need (not want) her physical discipline when those rules aren’t followed. Though i am not one who enjoys pain like some submissives, i am beginning to understand my need for regular punishment and discipline. There is a part of me that needs to fear MD. To know that if i don’t follow the rules or am not diligent in my service to MD, that there will be consequences and painful ones. In addition, the need for regular “maintenance”. That there will be times that MD disciplines me not for breaking a rule, but because She knows that it keeps me grounded and in my place.
2) i need Her Humiliation – There are things that MD does that reminds me that we are no longer equals. Though we are Wife and husband, and best friends, we are no longer on the same level. She is the authority and ruler in our house and i am beneath Her. When MD does certain things to me, it solidifies my understanding of our places. Whether it is making me wear diapers and having to pee in them; making me dress feminine and take me outside where i may be seen by neighbors; wearing my cuckold jewelry; or any of the other 100 ways She has at Her disposal, i find i need those “reminders” on a regular basis. There is a certain fear and confidence that humiliation brings. i never know what MD may require, but i find that i gain confidence in myself and my ability to serve Her when i am in the moment. Wearing a pink frilly apron outside knowing that others may see me in it, brings a level of confidence that seems to be contradictory. Being humiliated makes me confident as an sh. I know it is strange, but i am not trying to be rational, just expressing what submitting to MD does to me.
These past few months have revealed so much about who i am and what i need. i believe that MD has known this all along, but if you had asked me this just four months ago, i would have said the following statements were false, but now i know them to be true:
• i am not MD’s lover.
• MD needs to make all of my decisions for me.
• i need MD’s consistent discipline and punishment.
• i am not MD’s equal and need reminded of that almost on a daily basis.
What else will be added to that list?
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.