, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Christmas, Birthdays and sh’s: 08/20/14: MD sat down with me this past weekend and said that after careful consideration and lot of back and forth (She likened it to an EKG) that She had come to the following decisions:
• From now on, i will only be allowed sex with Her once a year (on our anniversary)
• That though i would be allowed in Her, She would probably just lay there and not be responsive or engaged
• Allowing me inside of Her will be Her gift to me for our anniversary
• That though we would not be having sex (except once a year), She still desires intimacy through cuddling, kissing and my oral services.
• This arrangement has already been put into the contract that i will be signing and is non-negotiable.
• i may be allowed a few additional orgasms through the year, but if so, they will be scheduled out and more “clinical” in nature than sexual. (She did say that the one caveat to that would be if i was with another guy, i would be allowed to have a “real” orgasm). The only reason She is allowing some orgasms is for health reasons. MD feels that after I have an orgasm i am less responsive and compliant and it takes several days for me to be back where I need to be as Her sh. If She finds an effective way to milk me then any additional orgasms will probably be taken away.

As always MD was very sensitive and caring, but very pragmatic in the way She delivered the news. She had read of other WLM marriages who made this decision and at first felt this was not a good approach, because She does love me and does desire an intimate relationship between us. But the more She read and the more She thought about it, MD came to the conclusion that by having sex with me, it only confused and muddled our new roles and relationship, and though Her decision sounded harsh, it in fact was best for us.

i am still working on processing Her decision. There is part of me that feels like this can’t be happening. Even as i typed the preceding paragraphs it sounded more like an article out of a Variations magazine than the reality of my life. That my last real sexual experience for the rest of my life was on June 6th. i wonder how that night might have been different if i knew that at the time? Would i have broken down and pleaded with Her not to take her body away from me? That the joy of hearing Her cum while making love to Her would never ring in my ears again. And what about our coming up anniversary in October, will it be more pain than pleasure? Will it be a bitter sweet reminder of what i use to have and is being enjoyed by others and not me? The thought if MD just lying there or reading or even talking to one off her other lovers totally detached from what i am doing with Her is a powerful thought. When it is over will She even acknowledge it that it happened? Over the years will i anxiously await our anniversary or will i dread being reminded of what i no longer have?

These are just some of the thoughts that are running in my head right now. But even as i express this, i also readily admit that i agree with MDs decision. i had reached the same conclusion even before She told me. Not that i wanted it to be Her decision, heavens no, but from a logical decision it made sense. It is impossible for me to be a lover (even if it is just one of many) and also be Her sh. A queen does not take a slave as a lover. She may choose a slave to please her, but there wouldn’t be an emotional connection. My role is to please Her. Since I can’t do that as Her lover without the emotional connection tied to it, then it makes sense for me to focus my energies to serve only as MD’s oral lover.

i am sure that i will spend a lot of time processing this new reality. i am very grateful that MD is my wife, my best friend and my former lover. i wouldn’t trade the life we have had nor the adventure we are just beginning for anything in the world. There is a saying you can’t grasp the gift that is being given unless you release what you are currently holding in your hand. It is time for me to release the gift that MD gave me these past 16 years and accept the new gift She us giving me.

Question: Christmas, Birthdays and sh’s – What do each of these have in common?

Answer: Each of them only comes once a year.

Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sexy”, “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.