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8/11/15:MD can be an incredible tease when She wants. i am not just talking about the flirting kind of tease, (and She is great at that!), but i am talking about the kind where She can get into your head and make you suffer kind of tease. MD will sometimes remind me how much bigger “J” is than me or how Her lovers can last so much longer. She will remind me that Her lovers get to cum with Her and then just smile at me. But not only is it mental, but She will do things physically as well. One of Her favorite things to do is tell me to start jacking off. She will have me get right to the edge and then tell me to stop. i am just lying there, waiting to explode and MD will pause for a second and then tell me to roll over and go to sleep, or She will tell me to roll over and She will have me listen to Her cum as She uses the vibrator. MD has “TD” (Tease & Denial) down to fine art and loves it. i think She just loves knowing She has the power to complete make me weak in the knees and make me desire Her even more than i thought possible.
This weekend was a different form of “TD” it turns out. She gave me a “Look, Lick and Touch” (LLT) weekend. MD gave me permission to look at Her when She was changing clothes; lick Her ass and p*ssy and also touch Her. You would think this would be the exact opposite of a TD weekend, but that is not the way it turned out. Don’t get me wrong, i used my weekend privileges, as i called it my “Lust” weekend. i licked Her several times and got to hold Her breasts while we cuddled and even got to play with Her p*ssy, and that is not even counting every time She changed clothes i was in the bedroom with Her.
What i found though, was first, it reminded me that this was only temporary break and my reality was that when the “clock struck midnight”, i was back to being denied. It was like being hungry and taken to this huge wonderful feast and being given a tiny plate and told i could only have a taste of a couple of things. It was not enough to satisfy your hunger, but made you realize even more how hungry you really are. You aren’t going to turn it down even a small taste, but the reality is it only makes you want it even worse than before. That was always in the back of my mind, that this was only a fleeting experience and reality was just a few hours away.
The second thing i realized was that i felt guilty looking, licking and touching Her. Though it didn’t stop me, there was this feeling in my head that “i shouldn’t” and “this isn’t my role any longer”. It is an amazing dichotomy to be licking MD’s p*ssy and enjoying it tremendously, but thinking the whole time, “i really shouldn’t get to do this”. It wasn’t the actual part of getting to lick Her, but was getting to tell Her i wanted to lick Her. If MD had ordered me to, that is one thing, but for me to get to ask MD to lay back felt awkward. Even looking at Her naked felt like i was watching someone i shouldn’t. A few months ago, i would have absolutely gone wild with the “LLT” weekend, but no longer. Whether it is the mindset change of where i now know my role, or knowing that it was quickly going to be taken away and i was already dreading it or a combination of both, i am not sure.
When i asked MD what Her thoughts were about the LLT weekend, She admitted She was ready for it to be over. One time, when i asked to lick Her, She acknowledged it frustrated Her as She was concentrating on something else. She went ahead and agreed, but told me that She enjoys what we have now, sex on Her terms. MD no longer has to worry about my sexual needs or desires, it is only about Her and She enjoys that power and freedom. Last night as we went to bed, MD started to remove Her clothes and told me to face the wall, while She removed Her clothes and climbed into bed. She then told me i could turn around and get in bed. – life is back to normal!
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.