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8/28/15:In my previous blog, i said i was “a sissy, submissive (and soon to be sexless) hubby to MD”. MD asked how it felt to type that sentence. In reality the sexless*, though a strange realization, is not the hardest thing to come to comprehend. The hardest part (pun intended), is realizing i won’t be ever have an erection again. MD has stated for over a year that not only does She not want me to sex, but She doesn’t want me even to get hard, to the point of saying if there was a pill that i could take that had no side effects, other than not allow me to get an erection, She would have me take it. So other than surgery, the next best option is a short tubed chastity cage which doesn’t allow it. Most guys who wear chastity cages (and i read that there are over a million sold every year, so there are lots who do), wear them for a specific time period, until they are released to either have sex or masturbate again. So far, i have only read of a one guy who say he is in a “permanent” state of denial like i will be soon. (i think MD would love to get me trained to a point where erections are impossible even if i wasn’t in a chastity cage.)This though, is where the true Domme nature of MD comes through; She doesn’t want me to have the “manliness” of an erection, She does wants me sexually frustrated. (Sort of like the difference between a penoctomy and castration. With castration, you lose your sexual desire, with a penoctomy you still have the desire but can’t do anything about it.) i am to be Her sissy sub to the point of not even being able to get hard, even though She is continually going to tease me. It would be one thing to lock me up and then never pay attention to me sexually at all, but to constantly be “tempted” and not be able to do anything about is something that is going to be incredibly difficult. The only analogy i can think of is, being the owner of restaurant where you have the most amazing chef who creates some of the most incredible dishes that you have ever tasted. Then one day, you have to have your jaw permanently wired shut and every day for the rest of your life you are watching others enjoy the amazing food that is coming out of the kitchen but yet you have to sip your meals through a straw. In my case, there are going to be others who will enjoy the sexual splendor of MD, but it won’t be me. After October 10th, i will never again experience one of Her incredible blow jobs, feel the tightness, warmth and wetness of Her p*ssy, or even have Her hand on my hard d*ck. In fact after that date, i won’t even be able to touch my own dick without it being encased inside a steel cage. (If you are reading this and a man, think how many times you touch your own dick in a day; now imagine never touching it again.)
i have read that for some men who experience ED, that one of the major issues they deal with is the loss of their feeling like a “man”. For some reason, guys take pride in being able to “get it up”. Knowing that soon that will not happen any longer is a very strange thought. Even in saying all that, i realize that i will probably become a much better sissy sub to MD. Every time MD institutes something new, such as wearing lipstick, wearing a bra, or shaving my legs, i find myself diving deeper into being Her sh. And so far, everything She has required me to do or give up has been worth it ten times over. Will i miss getting hard, getting to feel MD’s body, and even cumming – Yes! But at the same time, i feel that this will make me even a more focused and subservient sh to MD, and i long for that even more.
* One caveat to the never having sex again, MD did say that on my 65th Birthday She will allow me to have sex with Her, so only 10 years to wait. Again, the deviousness of MD, knowing that i am going to be chaste for 10 years and the whole time wondering if i can even get it up by then!
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.