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9/14/15:Which is more humiliating, having to wear a Depend’s diaper (a woman’s one at that) or knowing that MD feels it is important that i must always wear one when going out by myself, to remind me of my place? Which is more humiliating, having to wear a bra and panties all the time or knowing that She no longer sees you as a man, but more of a femme and so that is the way you should always be dressed? Is it more embarrassing to not be able to make any decisions for yourself or realize that She believes i am “inferior” to Her so She needs to make all my daily decisions? Is it more embarrassing to be locked in a chastity device or know that MD doesn’t feel orgasms for me are no longer necessary as Her little sissy boy?MD and i have had a Domme/sub relationship since we began dating almost 18 years ago. What we have now is not even in the same league though as what we used to experience. When MD used to Domme me, the fast majority of the time is was almost “negotiated” play. I would tell Her something i was interested in or She would tell me what She wanted to try (most of the time, it was me though) and then we would try it. Though it was fun it was always very safe. i always had a safe word, we usually discussed what happened afterward and if it was good and if we liked it we might try it again. (But i always had a say in the matter.)
This is nothing like we live now in our current WLM. There is no safe word, there is no negotiating, i have no reason to tell MD what i would like to try, since in Her world it doesn’t matter, nor does She have to tell me what She wants to do to me beforehand. Everything we do now is for Her pleasure, Her interests and what She wants to try. If She wants to tie me up and spank me, it is because She either feels it is necessary to correct my behavior or simply because it gets Her off to be able to make my ass hot and red and have me crying out in pain. She doesn’t care if i would like a spanking or not. My feelings or desires don’t impact Her decisions any longer. If She wants to put a butt plug up my ass for the fun of it, or take me to get a tattoo to show Her ownership of me, it is now simply what She so chooses and my feelings or interests are of little concern to Her.
The last couple of months i have seen a huge difference in not only the way the confidence level MD displays, but also just how She treats me. She is far more comfortable requiring me to serve Her without worrying how i feel about it. It doesn’t matter if i just sat down to do something, She will tell me to get up and go do something else. In fact, i think She will often wait for me to sit down, before She tells me what else i need to do. i believe it is Her way of saying, “i control you, and just because you want to do something that is important to you, it doesn’t mean anything to me.” MD doesn’t really seem to care about whether or not i want to do something, or whether or not, i have some kind of sub interest in something She wants to do, it is simply what pleases Her or gets Her excited.
It is incredibly exciting (and a bit scary) to know that i no longer have any input in being MD’s “sub”. i don’t even think that is an accurate term any longer for me. MD is now in complete charge and every day i feel less manly, more “girly”, and more inferior to Her than the day before. Just last night i slept in the guest bedroom and realized that “our” bed is in fact only “Her” bed and being allowed to sleep in it is a privilege that i can’t take for granted.
i started this blog talking about humiliation. Humiliation is a big driver for many subs, but for me the humiliation is no longer “the acts” that MD does to me, but the true humiliation is knowing how MD sees me and us. i am Her pet, Her property, something She can do with whatever She pleases, without any reservations or consequences. It is no longer doing things to me to see whether i like it or not, it is now, whether She enjoys it or not.
This realization is in no way a criticism of MD, actually it is my way of praising Her (not that She needs it from me), but it understanding that Her growth in feeling free to treat me however She wishes is really a huge step toward a true WLM. If She has to watch or be concerned what She does or how She treats me, then i am still in control to some extent. When She can honestly say, “I don’t give a damn how he feels”, then She is free to be the Domme and leader She desires. And when MD is the Domme She wants to be, i will finally be able to be the sissy sub hubby She is wanting me to be.
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.