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9/04/15:If you have ever traveled, you know that no matter how much you read about or seen pictures, some destinations can’t be fully appreciated until you have seen them in person. Whether it is New York City, London, Paris, the Colorado Rocky Mountains, or the California Redwoods; all of them have to be experienced in person to fully appreciate their uniqueness, beauty and splendor. i am learning the same is true for a WLM relationship. No matter if MD tells me something, and even if i know it to be true in my head, sometimes until you experience it you really can’t understand it. This type of experience happened to me this past week. In my last blog, i wrote that “M” came over on Tuesday, before he went to work and played with MD, after i left that morning. i said, i didn’t know if She would tell me anything about it. Well it turns out, MD didn’t say anything further about him coming over. She texted me when he arrived and when he left, but that was it. It dawned on me, that though i had written previously that MD’s sex life was no longer was my business, it was actually very true.When MD started cuckolding me many years ago, i was heavily involved. i was either participating in some way, watching, or at least engaged in some manner. Unfortunately, i was too engaged as i was often the principal driver. This was a frustration for MD and one of the main reasons we stopped playing for several years. This time, MD said it would be all about Her and Her desires. The first time we started back up, i was in the room when She played with “Joe”, but that was the last time i have been present in the room when She has played with anyone. When She first started playing with “J”, i was at the house but not in the same room. Since then, i have only been at the house once, when She was playing with someone, and that was when “Rob” came over. i haven’t even met all the guys She has played with this time. As i have looked back on it, i have realized that MD has slowly “weaned” me from Her playing. Over the past year, MD has said less and less about what has gone on behind “closed doors”, and Tuesday finally said nothing at all.
When the realization that MD now doesn’t feel it is necessary to say anything at all when She plays with another guy, and on top of that, as of next month i will truly be MD’s “former lover”, emotionally it took me a bit by surprise. It took me a couple of days to process this and then i realized that even though She had told me this previously, it took me experiencing it first hand to understand the depth to what She has been saying. This entire WLM journey, MD has been way out in front of me. When you go exploring, usually someone takes the lead and the others follow. MD has been the lead and She has been far enough ahead, that when She tells me what is coming, i may not see it for a while, but then i eventually come to it. (Sometimes She doesn’t even tell me what is coming but lets me discover on my own.) When i am finally there though, MD is now further along the path seeing what is up ahead. (Now if you are going to choose to follow someone, may i recommend MD, She has the best ass in the world to follow, as many guys at our grocery and vitamin store can attest!)
Though it took me a couple of days to process, the natural progression now makes sense. Our intimacy is no longer is derived from sex, it comes from an emotional connection as MD/sh. If MD tried to share the intimacy and pleasure that She receives from other guys with me, it wouldn’t work. Once i can fully realize that sexual intimacy is no longer something MD is going to share with me, (outside of being used as Her toy to please Her on occasion), then the easier it will be to discover my true role as MD’s sh. i can honestly say though, that the intimacy with MD is stronger now than it has ever been before in our 17 years of marriage, and it actually began to flourish when MD took total control and began removing sex between us. Though this seems like the opposite of what should occur, it really was the obstacle that was keeping us from going to the next level. Whether in the future MD chooses to share details of Her sex life on occasion, is up to Her. Though it is humiliating to know that has her husband, i may have a very limited knowledge of who and what She is experiencing sexually; i have now experienced the fullness of the realization that it is no longer any of Her sissy sub hubby’s business.
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.