10/04/15:It has been amazing to see how my sexual perspective has changed over the last 18 months. MD and i have been in Ohio this past week on a business trip for me. On Friday night, after my meeting was over, we went to a special burlesque review show that had come to town. While the show was entertaining and a couple of the acts were really good, i didn’t find it very erotic. Some of the woman would be considered attractive and they were dancing almost nude, but the most erotic part of the evening for me was MD sitting across the table from me. She wore a dress with a plunging V-neck and “the girls” looked amazing. All these “topless” women were on stage and the most erotic site was MD’s somewhat covered boobs. Even the MC/announcer for the evening came over to our table during the performance and said something about how sexy MD looked.
Later that evening, after we went to bed, MD woke me and wanted to know where Her vibrator was. She proceeded to play with it for a few minutes until She came. She then put it back in the drawer, turned back over and went back to sleep. MD never acknowledged me other than asking me where it was. We used to share Her orgasms. She would have me hold Her while She played with Herself and i found it amazing to feel Her cum. Friday night had nothing to do with me, it was very much a “solo” experience for Her and i found it amazingly erotic. Though i have seen MD cum thousands of times, to be purely a “distant spectator” was amazing. It wasn’t that MD was hiding it from me, it was just something She wasn’t actively sharing with me. The other amazing thing about that experience was that i never got hard while listening to Her play with Herself. In the past i would have been hard just watching/listening to Her, but this time i wasn’t. Even though i found it amazingly erotic, i didn’t get an erection.
For me, the takeaway from that evening was how i now process and see things has changed, especially over the past few months. Though i find MD incredibly sexy and lust for Her, i don’t think of having sex with Her very often anymore. It is a different kind of lust. i love to look at Her, but if She gets naked, i instinctively avert my eyes. It seems my desire for Her has changed from desiring Her sexually to desiring to be in Her presence. i find just being with Her is an incredibly erotic experience.
For those guys who have experienced chastity you may understand what i am talking about. Once you take away the ability to have sex with your partner, you begin to refocus on her and her pleasure. You find pleasure in giving her pleasure. Now go one step more and now, not only can you not give her pleasure, but you are no longer get to be an active part of her sex life and that takes it to a whole new realm. Instead of feeling resentful, the exact opposite is happening, i feel incredibly lucky. If you had told me this 18 months ago, or even 6 months ago, i wouldn’t have believed it, but it is now true. Since i no longer have a responsibility to be MD’s sexual partner, i am free to sit back and enjoy the sensuality and eroticism that is MD.
The only example i can think of is imagining being a part of an incredible music performance every night. You are responsible for getting things ready and being part of the production team. You are always at the show, but are always busy and responsible at the same time. Now, imagine that one night you just get to be a spectator. You just get to be in the crowd enjoying the performance. Though you may have been at the same show hundreds of times, being free to enjoy without any responsibilities brings it to a whole new level of enjoyment.
I don’t know if any of this makes any sense to anyone else, but all i know that thought i lust for MD, it is no longer a lust to have sex with Her. It is to be with Her and in Her presence. i am starting to acclimate myself to realizing i am no longer Her sex partner, that pleasure is reserved for others. Though a times She may choose to use me to pleasure Her in some ways, it won’t be like it used to be. It won’t be something we share together, it is Her just using me just as She would use a vibrator, something to help Her cum. Being free of that sexual component between us is very erotic and even though it though it doesn’t make any damn sense, it is an incredible experience and one i am glad MD is taking me on.
Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)
As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 16 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “slave” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.