1/31/16:

i have had an interest in kink long before i knew what it was. Even at the age of 8 or 9, i daydreamed about being kidnapped and made to serve an older female. Once i discovered sex my interest in “kink” has been especially strong. Until i met MD though, i never had a chance to really experience it to the fullest depth. Since kink is defined as unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies; i guess, Femdomme, cuckoldry, chastity, cross-dressing, submission and discipline would all qualify as an interest in Kink.
 Kinks are interests that drive to sexual desire or pleasure. Usually these interests lead to some form of sexual release but that no longer applies to me. The ability for me to receive or enjoy sexual pleasure has been largely removed. Imagine a river that has been dammed. The water continues to back up and has no release unless the dam is opened to release the pressure. In my case there is only a few “release” options. i am not allowed to cum. i am not allowed to get hard. i am not currently allowed to orally pleasure MD. So my kink outlet is now driving me to be more femme. i now enjoy getting to wear my bra and feminine clothes. It is now incredibly exciting to come home and getting to wear dresses and heels. MD has even given me some make up and i want to begin to wear some around the house. At first i was very embarrassed when MD started making me dress femme, but now i embrace it and look forward to it. Though i don’t see myself as a female, i enjoy being MD’s feminine male that is inferior to Her.

 It is sometimes hard though to flip the switch from being in charge and an “Alpha Male” at work and then come home and immediate become a “Sissy Male”, but the clothes help. It is also helps that MD will sometimes begin ordering me around as soon as i get home. At first i sometimes had a defensiveness attitude of “i just got home”, but then it dawned on me MD was helping me immediately get into the right mindset. It is amazing what it does to my head when She orders me to do something or tells me that She likes something femme i am wearing. Usually MD will say that i look “cute” in my dress and it just is an amazing feeling knowing that She loves seeing me as a feminized male; someone who is weaker and inferior to Her. The more She calls it out, the more sissy and femme i feel. Though where we currently live doesn’t allow us as much privacy as we would like, we are working on ways that i can be dressed femme around the house even more, to which i look forward. 

As i am learning to accept that my fate and future life will be lived as a feminine male, it is changing how i respond to things. i have noticed that i am becoming more passive and less confrontational. Though i still have a temper that too is becoming less of an issue. i find i don’t always feel i have to go accomplish something, sometimes i can just sit and enjoy the moment. The scary thing though, is that MD has told me last year that in my future i will be required to serve an alpha male. Though that has never been one of my “kinks”, lately i have started imagining what that will be like when MD decides i am ready – to take that next step of becoming a true sissy and be sexually submissive to another man.

Though MD and i don’t have a “normal” marriage it is amazingly strong. I can’t imagine going back to where we once were. Though we had a great marriage then, the joy of having MD to be in total charge is sometimes overwhelming. Though many would say we have a kinky marriage, it is one hell of a ride, and i can’t wait for the rest of it!

1/24/2016: What an amazing experience! This morning i was lying next to MD and all i could think of is how much i desired Her and wanted to hold Her. i asked MD if for $10 (half of my weekly allowance) if i could hold Her breast. She seemed amused that i would be willing to spend my allowance on this request but She said yes, and grabbed my hand and put it on Her right breast. For $10 i was allowed to hold and fondle Her right breast. i wasn’t allowed to play with the other one or play with Her nipple or even suck on Her, but just enjoy getting to touch Her. (Realize She is a natural 40DD so i couldn’t even hold all of one breast!)  
It was incredible. The amount of lust i was consumed by for those 15-20 minutes. My heart was racing, my breath quick and shallow and my little dick was trying in vain to get hard in my chastity cage, which even amused MD even more. Every few minutes She would push against me and wiggle Her ass. So even when i started to “calm down” it would fire right back up. For those who ever never worn a chastity cage, when you are locked in one and try to get hard, it is a very uncomfortable feeling! So i was straining to not get hard while hold MD’s breast and it wasn’t working. i felt like i was a very inexperienced young teenage boy getting to touch the breast of a beautiful sexy older woman for the first time. It was exciting and humiliating at the same time.

After a while MD told me to go get Her a cup of coffee. My time was up but it had been such a rush. Knowing that my sexual contact with MD is so limited now as Her chastity sissy, that any little thing She does, just drives me wild with lust. It has been over three months since MD has allowed me to look at Her naked. A few times She has pulled Her top up and flashed me and once She bent over and flipped Her robe up so I could see Her ass, but that is it. She knows She is driving me crazy and She absolutely loves that. i know that She is off limits to me and only occasionally teases me just to make me ache for Her.   

i had to pay $10 to touch her (and yes, MD took my money) and i know that soon one of Her lovers will get to put his hands all over Her and She will moan with desire. He will touch Her and experience Her incredible sexuality. She will cum over and over while He is inside Her and with me, while MD can simply humiliate me by making me beg and pay just to touch Her.

i knew that taking the plunge into a fulltime WLM was going to be exciting and wild, but i had no idea where it would lead. There is a price to be paid to ask your Wife to become your Owner and Masteress. You forever give up the right to be Her equal and you are left feeling humiliated and weak and willing to beg just for a touch. The price this morning was $10 a boob. 

01/18/2016:

Last week i had a meeting in another city and it was one of those days where it was fly in and fly out. I had to get up at 3:30 am to get the airport on time and didn’t get home until almost 8:30 that evening. As you can imagine i was exhausted. When i walked into the house, all the dishes were still in the sink for me to do, there was toilet paper to put on the holder and there were several other projects i had to finish before i could come to bed. MD gave me a hug when i came in and we talked a minute. She then said that She was going to go get in the bed and i was to bring Her a drink before starting the dishes. MD knew i was tired, but that was not Her problem. i have things that i am to do every day around the house and it is my responsibility to finish them. 

i finished my last blog with the sentence; “Her authority is amazing”. It is hard to describe what it feels like to be under the complete and absolute authority of another person. MD has total control over me; i have to do whatever She tells me. i know there are people reading this and say that this can’t be true, but if i was to blatantly disobey or refuse to obey Her any longer, MD has the legal right to kick me out of the house without anything to my name. i have already signed all my property rights over to Her. So, i am basically broke and She owns everything. There has to be a lot of trust to live in a relationship like this and i do trust MD with my life. But it is also clear that She expects me to obey Her in whatever She says and it is not going to get any easier as we go along. In fact, MD told me a couple of weeks ago that She was going to become even stricter and more demanding on me this coming year.  

Last weekend, MD wanted us to take a nap before going out that night. i took off my blouse and pants and got into bed wearing just my panties and a bra. MD told me to get up and go get my pink gown on and come back to bed. It is a little thing like this that shows Her desires are to be met. She has told me before that sissy boys need to wear gowns to bed, preferably pink and even though i was in a bra and panties, i was not doing what i had been told.  

i have read that some women get involved in a WLM or FLR (Female Led Relationship) and they tire of it after a while – not MD! She tells me that She absolutely loves being in control and only wishes we had started it sooner. My life will forever be under the total control and authority of MD and i am very lucky!

01/17/2016:The other evening MD was having trouble going to sleep. She had a meeting the next morning and was having difficulty “shutting down”. i suggested that She might consider using Her vibrator. She thought about it for a few seconds and then She told me to turn over and face the wall. MD got out Her vibrator and began to play with it and it wasn’t long before She came very hard. MD turned off the vibrator, put it up, turned over and went right to sleep. 
The first thing about that experience was that MD didn’t want me to participate at all. i wasn’t to look or speak to Her and She never even acknowledged me. The second thing though was that i was surprised that i didn’t try to get hard while listening to Her cum. Since i am in a chastity cage, i can’t get truly hard, but i didn’t even start to get aroused. As She was sleeping i was trying to figure it out, since i have always got excited when MD cums. What i finally realized, was that i felt a bit guilty and embarrassed lying there while She was cumming, because MD’s sex life is no longer any of my business. MD’s sexual pleasure is Her private business and i have no right to be included unless She so chooses.

My sexual pleasure is now limited to just lusting after MD. Last night, She told me that we were going to our neighbor bar. She put on a short dress, no panties, no bra and looked incredibly sexy. i so much wanted to touch Her and enjoy Her body and She knows that. She loves to see the lust in my eyes, knowing that i no longer can do anything about it but other men can. It is amazing lying in bed last night again realizing i will never be allowed another erection. i know there are lots of men who are impotent, but most of them face this due to injury or disease. In my case i am impotent because MD finds it disrespectful to Her authority over me and decided that i shall remain locked in a chastity cage. MD enjoys seeing me locked up and since i am no longer allowed to have sex or cum again, there is no reason for me to be hard.

 It is an incredible torture to have this amazingly sexy and beautiful women in bed with me and know that Her body is off limits to me. Her authority is amazing