i have had an interest in kink long before i knew what it was. Even at the age of 8 or 9, i daydreamed about being kidnapped and made to serve an older female. Once i discovered sex my interest in “kink” has been especially strong. Until i met MD though, i never had a chance to really experience it to the fullest depth. Since kink is defined as unconventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies; i guess, Femdomme, cuckoldry, chastity, cross-dressing, submission and discipline would all qualify as an interest in Kink.
Kinks are interests that drive to sexual desire or pleasure. Usually these interests lead to some form of sexual release but that no longer applies to me. The ability for me to receive or enjoy sexual pleasure has been largely removed. Imagine a river that has been dammed. The water continues to back up and has no release unless the dam is opened to release the pressure. In my case there is only a few “release” options. i am not allowed to cum. i am not allowed to get hard. i am not currently allowed to orally pleasure MD. So my kink outlet is now driving me to be more femme. i now enjoy getting to wear my bra and feminine clothes. It is now incredibly exciting to come home and getting to wear dresses and heels. MD has even given me some make up and i want to begin to wear some around the house. At first i was very embarrassed when MD started making me dress femme, but now i embrace it and look forward to it. Though i don’t see myself as a female, i enjoy being MD’s feminine male that is inferior to Her.
It is sometimes hard though to flip the switch from being in charge and an “Alpha Male” at work and then come home and immediate become a “Sissy Male”, but the clothes help. It is also helps that MD will sometimes begin ordering me around as soon as i get home. At first i sometimes had a defensiveness attitude of “i just got home”, but then it dawned on me MD was helping me immediately get into the right mindset. It is amazing what it does to my head when She orders me to do something or tells me that She likes something femme i am wearing. Usually MD will say that i look “cute” in my dress and it just is an amazing feeling knowing that She loves seeing me as a feminized male; someone who is weaker and inferior to Her. The more She calls it out, the more sissy and femme i feel. Though where we currently live doesn’t allow us as much privacy as we would like, we are working on ways that i can be dressed femme around the house even more, to which i look forward.
As i am learning to accept that my fate and future life will be lived as a feminine male, it is changing how i respond to things. i have noticed that i am becoming more passive and less confrontational. Though i still have a temper that too is becoming less of an issue. i find i don’t always feel i have to go accomplish something, sometimes i can just sit and enjoy the moment. The scary thing though, is that MD has told me last year that in my future i will be required to serve an alpha male. Though that has never been one of my “kinks”, lately i have started imagining what that will be like when MD decides i am ready – to take that next step of becoming a true sissy and be sexually submissive to another man.
Though MD and i don’t have a “normal” marriage it is amazingly strong. I can’t imagine going back to where we once were. Though we had a great marriage then, the joy of having MD to be in total charge is sometimes overwhelming. Though many would say we have a kinky marriage, it is one hell of a ride, and i can’t wait for the rest of it!