2/27/2016:This past week i have had two very embarrassing situations come to pass. The first one was about my chastity cage. The last several weeks i began dealing with the cage causing a sore. i tried various remedies, including sanding the cage in case there was a small rise that was rubbing against me, and trying various lubes. Nothing seemed to work and it kept getting worse. We took a picture and sent to the makers of the cage – and they quickly responded that the cage was too big. They said that the cage should fit the penis like a glove. Since i was having room to “expand” at the end, it was causing friction as i expanded and contracted. It appears i will have to send it back so they can shorten it.  
When i first put on the cage when we received it, it did seem to fit very well; but i had noticed, i had seem to “shrink” wearing it, but wasn’t sure. i have read that some guys wearing chastity cages will experience some form of shrinkage, but once they stopped for a few days, they went back to their normal size. But the reports i read were from guys who wore it for a month or so. So far i was in wearing almost four months. In the week i have stopped wearing it, i haven’t noticed the return to my former flaccid size. Since the cage i originally ordered was not a very large one, they are now going to have to size it down another ½ inch, which will make it the next to the shortest size that they make. On their website you can order 20 different sizes from 1.25 inches to 5.75 inches. Mine will now be just 1.5 inches in length.

The second embarrassing thing, was i had to pay MD, $20 for the opportunity to lick Her ass. MD told me a few months ago, that She didn’t think i should be allowed to lick Her p*ssy any longer and that Her p*ssy was now reserved for Her lovers. She did say that She would still consider letting me lick Her ass on occasion. The last time She had allowed me that pleasure was almost 3 months ago, so i asked Her if She would consider allowing me the right to “purchase” the opportunity to lick Her. MD grinned and said She would consider it. After a few days i asked if i could offer my weekly allowance of $20 for the opportunity to lick Her and She agreed.  

When i first discovered the thrill of licking MD’s ass, She would always first take a shower or wash off, but now that is no longer the case. MD tells me now that it is not Her concern whether She has taken a shower or has been sweaty. She enjoys knowing that i am going to smell like Her ass the rest of the night, since i am not allowed to go wash my face or brush my teeth afterward. i just have to turn over and go to sleep. Though She thinks is a kind of punishment, i actually love it. i love Her taste and love to smell Her; so the money spent that night was well worth it. So the last two “sexual” experiences with MD cost me $10 to hold Her boobs and now $20 to lick Her ass.

i believe that MD really enjoys making me pay for touching Her, since previously when She allowed me to play with Her in some way, i think it felt like She was “losing” a bit of Her power over me during those experiences. i mentioned in a previous blog, that for many people sex is often about power. By allowing me that level of freedom with Her, it was in some way bringing me up to Her level. By making me “pay” now for the privilege of experiencing Her, it keeps the experience more on the transactional level and thus me remaining as inferior to Her. It is still Her holding power over me and me willing to submit to the humiliation and embarrassment of having to hand over my allowance just to touch my wife.  

i entitled this blog “shrinkage”. The first part of shrinkage was physical. Embarrassingly to admit, it appears that my dick is actually getting smaller, and if it gets any smaller, there soon won’t be a cage to fit it. (When MD found out that my dick was getting smaller, She thought it funny and seemed to love it!) Let’s face it, MD has no plans on using my dick any further. As long as She can keep me locked up and continue to tease me, so i am constantly in lust with Her, She is good.

The second experience this weekend is the continued “shrinkage” of my former life. Before we began our WLM, MD would often have me play with Her in various ways. She is the most sexually vibrant and expressive woman i have ever met, but now, it has come to the point that the only way She will allow me to experience Her is by making me pay Her for the privilege. i can only imagine how powerful She feels seeing me offer Her money just for the privilege to touch Her breast or lick Her ass. There is no way to describe the humiliation i feel in offering Her money just to experience Her again. But at the same time, i know that is my place. MD no longer sees me as a lover, She sees an sh who ever once in a while, if She is in a benevolent mood, will offer me the opportunity to experience Her charms one more time….if the price is right.

2/20/2016:

i had a setback in wearing my chastity cage this past week. i got a large abrasion underneath my penis due to the cage and we had to remove it. We are contacting Mature Metal to see if it has to be returned for sizing or if there is something else we can do. i will have to be out of it for at least another week to heal even if we don’t have to send it off. The first couple of days of “freedom” seem to go fine, but that next morning i woke up to “morning wood”. i was really disappointed as it had been almost 4 months since the last time i had been hard. MD has told me that Her sissy femme boy shouldn’t ever need to get hard again, since i will never allowed to enter Her or ever get to cum again. So She finds the thought of me with an erection as being disrespectful of Her commands.  
What i found interesting is that my reaction to getting hard was to want to dress femme. Since we were traveling last week, that wasn’t a real option, but after getting home late Friday night, yesterday i got to dress. Now i always wear panties and most of the time a bra, but yesterday i was able to only wear femme clothing. MD had run into town and left me doing some work around the house. When She got back i was completely dressed wearing lipstick (a new kind MD had just given me) along with a pink bow in my hair. When She got out of the car, MD had a little smirk on Her face seeing Her 6’0/200 lb hubby all dressed as a sissy. She loves making me dress this way, and now i am desiring even more.  

There is something very humiliating standing in front of MD in a dress or skirt, it reminds me how powerless i am and how much MD is in control. MD allows me a lot of liberty in how i dress depending on how “exposed” i am going to be that day, but the basic goal is to dress as femme as possible. We have to run some errands today, so i will only get to wear a bra and panties under my boy clothes. When i get home though it will be a pink dress and my girly shoes for me.  

Our Relationship: (Repeating on Each Blog)

As of 4/7/14, my relationship with my Wife of 17 years, changed from me being naturally submissive to Her to one where we now live fulltime in a “Wife Led Marriage” (WLM) relationship. She is now in total control of all financial, life and daily decisions. She is recognized as the unquestioned authority of our marriage and my life. My role is to be the “sh” to Her “MD”. “sh” is Her way of reminding me that i am Her “sissy”, “submissive”, “servant” and “sexless” husband. The MD is “Masteress D (Her name)” or “My Domme”.  

2/14/2016:Men think about sex a lot. (Incredible revelation right?!) Valentine’s Day has always been one of the three “sex days” that men think are pretty well givens (unless they seriously screw up). The other two are their birthday and anniversary. While Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a day of romance, most guys equate romance with sex. That is why Valentine’s Day for me the past two years is very different. i KNOW i am not getting sex today (or any other day for that matter). This weekend is a reflection of romance and realizing how lucky i am to have found who and what i really need.Realizing how far i have come in the past couple of years is amazing to me. i loved having sex with MD. i thought about it all the time. Now that activity is no longer an option, the thought processes change as well. It is no longer what can i do to get sex, it is how can i experience intimacy with MD? As MD has removed the option of me experiencing Her sexually more and more, my sexual energy is refocused in different ways. i believe MD finds a great sexual satisfaction from denying me. Not only has She denied me sex, but i am very rarely allowed to have any sexual contact with Her or even look at Her naked. She has already told me that licking Her ass will be my only form of sexual release with Her, but even that is on a very limited basis. She does not need me for Her sexual gratification and i believe She loves withholding any sexual pleasure from me.  

This is different from the wives who lose interest in sex and really don’t care about their husband’s sexual desires. (This is the case of one of MD’s current lovers.) MD has a great sexual desire, but She loves the power of control over me. She tells me She loves knowing that i lust for Her and can’t do anything about it. She loves knowing that i am locked up in a chastity cage and i have no hope for an orgasm. But where She gets off on being in control, i get off to being controlled. While most guys would never admit that they would love to be in permanent chastity, i have to admit, there is something incredibly erotic about it. Knowing that MD is permanently denying me release is incredibly sexy in its own weird and warped way.

Also, knowing that i have to “pay” for the privilege of touching MD is incredibly humiliating. Just to hold Her breast last week cost me half a week’s allowance (but well worth it!) Though MD may receive pleasure in me licking Her, there is a sense of a loss of power She experiences when She allows me the freedom to enjoy Her. It has been said that everything is about sex, except sex, and it is about power. In our relationship sex is power and MD has all of the power. i guess the old adage may be right, “you have to pay to play”. Why should She allow me the pleasure of getting to lick Her ass, when She can make me pay for it in some way to add to Her ever increasing power over me?

Though not a traditional Valentine’s Day lover’s desire, my desire is to be MD’s chaste sissy sub. Though i loved being Her lover, i never want to lose the intimacy we have now over sex. Sometimes denial is better than receiving. Happy Valentine’s Day.

02/07/2016: It dawned on that i recently broke two records; the longest i have ever been kept in chastity and the longest i have gone without cumming. i have been locked in a chastity cage for well over 100 days and without cumming now almost 120 days. While in the past these would have seemed like a big deal to me, now it is almost an afterthought. Since MD has already told me She is going to keep me in a chastity cage for at least 10 years, three months is not such a major accomplishment. And since October was my last time to ever be allowed to cum, every day will be a new record from here on out.
 MD and i lived a Domme/sub marriage even before we started a WLM, but now i can see that is apples to oranges. Though there a similarities in a Femdomme relationship, there are major differences. In a Femdomme relationship, the sub has “options”. He can tell the Domme what he desires and what his interests are. Maybe he likes getting spanked or getting humiliated. The Domme chooses how that might be done. Though She is in charge, he is also providing input. In a Wife Led Marriage it is all about Her. MD doesn’t have to try to meet any of my desires any longer, it is only what She wants. In the past, MD might have “made” me lick Her without letting me cum. She gets pleasured, but so did i in the sense that i love to lick Her. Now, MD has no desire for me to lick Her p*ssy as She feels that is only for Her lovers. Whether i want to or not is immaterial, it is all about Her and Her desires.

 Now don’t get me wrong, it is an incredible experience being used by your Masteress. It is amazing when MD turns to me and orders me to do something. There is no more negotiating or disagreeing with Her. She orders me to do something and i must obey. Whether it be go get me a cup of coffee, put a pink nightgown on or get on my knees and kiss Her feet, anything She says i must obey. i guess the only analogy i can think of is a Femdomme relationship is like an engagement but a WLM is a “covenant marriage”. In the first you are somewhat committed but there are outs, the second is legally binding.  

 The exciting thing is what MD desires change daily. This past week She has been sick and so i have had the opportunity to care for Her while She recovers. Next week She has already listed out several items i have to get done by next Sunday and She will be more of a task master that i have to please. Every day i must be prepared to serve Her however She desires. Being in a WLM is challenging. i have to come from being an “alpha male” at my work to a “neutered sissy femme” at Her home. Sometimes i don’t arrive home with the correct attitude and that is something i need to continue to work through. MD is also training me on not losing my temper and taking correction with the right attitude.  

 i write this blog in my pink nightgown, pink slippers, pink robe, wearing a chastity cage and a pair of panties and i feel incredibly lucky. Tomorrow, i will put on a suit and head to the office to lead several business meetings. Already all i can think of is i can’t wait to get back home to be under the full authority of MD. She is my love, my protector and my Masteress. i can honestly say that i love that is “All About Her”.