In my blog yesterday, i mentioned two embarrassing things that happened this past week. Part of being in a WLM is that as an sh, i must learn to deal with humiliation, as in many ways that is part of being submissive. The “normal” standards of being a man or husband or thrown out and you must accept that being inferior has it consequences. i tried to list my “top 10” humiliation aspects of being sh to MD.
1) Cuckolding – Last year when MD grinned at me while taking J into Her bedroom was one of the most humiliating experiences of being Her sh. It was obvious from the lust in Her eyes that She couldn’t wait to have his 11 inch dick inside Her. Knowing how much sexual frenzy She was going to experience and know that i can never do that for Her is incredibly humiliating. That experience and the other 16 guys She has played with since we have been married will forever be the #1 humiliating experience(s) of my life.
2) Pegging* – Having MD take a dildo and shove it up my ass is incredibly humiliating. Sometimes She has worn it on a harness and f*cked me, and sometimes She just sticks in it Herself. On a couple of occasions She taped it to a plunger and put the plunger on the wall and made me get on all fours and back into it and remain there while She left me in the bedroom and went and watched TV.
3) Dressing Femme – Wearing lipstick, heels and a dress while serving MD. Having to wear panties and a bra every day. MD buying me clothes (She has even held up items in the store and tell me that i would look good in them) and making me try them on reinforces the fact that MD does not see me as a man anymore – She sees me as a sissy boy.
4) Having MD’s Golden Drink – MD has made me drink Her on many occasions. She has stood above me and peed on me while aiming at my open mouth. She has made me kneel and “drink from the source” and on several occasions has peed in a wine glass and made me sip it while She will have a glass of wine. She will often take Her time, so it prolongs the experience for me. i can’t just “gulp” it down, i must drink along with Her and savor it. The look in Her eyes when She does this is incredibly humiliating.
5) Wearing a Diaper – Though not much needs to be said about this, having to stand in front of MD and pee in it and then continue to work is incredibly humiliating. (Luckily that is all She has made me do so far!)
6) Her other lovers – This is different than cuckolding. This is relationship to the totality of MD’s lovers and where i rank in that scale. MD took the challenge of listing all of Her former lovers. Of the 40 or so She listed, it came down to the fact that from a size and stamina aspect, i would be in the bottom 10%.
7) Being Sexless – Knowing that MD has decided that She is going to make me remain sexless for the rest of my life. She believes that i have no reason to ever cum again and as Her sh, i know that is my future.
8) Spankings – Though MD doesn’t spank me very often, it is incredibly humiliating to lay over her lap while She spanks me. Even worse is when She ties me up and spanks me. Over Her lap spanks are usually with a paddle that stings. When She ties me up, it is usually a punishment spanking and She will use the bigger paddles. Either way, just knowing She has the ability to spank me and i have to accept it is humiliating.
9) Having to ask permission to go “potty” – No matter how many times i have done this, it is still humiliating to have to ask Her permission to go to the bathroom.
10) Wearing a Chastity Device – Looking down every time i go potty or take a shower and realize i am locked up by Her.
i entitled this #6 as i was thinking in relationship to my blog of yesterday, realizing that between getting smaller (shrinkage) and now having to pay for sexual contact with MD, my own sexuality is very humiliating. Though i have always knew i was a submissive, being an sh is submissiveness on steroids. Being a submissive is sexually exciting; being an sh is sexually humiliating. i think humiliation has such a strong presence in my life as it is the constant reinforcement that i am now inferior to MD. We live together and have an amazing relationship, but in both in words and actions, every day it is clear we are no longer equals. She has rights that i will never have again. She can do whatever She wants and i must always ask Her permission. She is and will remain sexually active and i will never be again.
MD has had numerous great lovers. Though we had a great sex life from the “connection” part, realizing just how much pleasure that other men have brought Her is amazingly humiliating. MD has the ability to disassociate sex from intimacy. She can enjoy sex with another guy, but not feel any great intimacy. With me it is the opposite, She can enjoy great intimacy with me without any sexual contact. Her sexual enjoyment that She receives from me is the pleasure watching me be so sexually frustrated – to desire Her knowing i can never have Her. To be teased by MD and have Her flaunt Her body knowing that only other men can enjoy it and i can’t (unless i pay) is incredibly torturous. MD loves that frustration in me and knowing that is my only future is incredibly humiliating.
Whether She specifically contrasts me with Her other lovers, or just knowing the reality, i realize that from being MD’s lover, She has had so much better and will continue to experience so much better. Just that thought makes Her appear powerful and sexy and makes me feel week and humiliated and thus #6 on the list.
*This will move to #3 when MD decides to allow another man to take me as She has planned and that experience will move to #2.