12/26/2015:

When we started this WLM journey almost twenty months ago, i had no idea where we were headed. i knew that i wanted to surrender to MD’s lead and i promised to follow Her. At times, MD told me that She couldn’t tell me where we were headed; i had to discover it along the way. She has always been ahead, leading and directing me to what She desired. i feel like i am at that stage again. She hasn’t told me what She is doing, but i have noticed a major difference lately. We moved from having sex often, to only occasionally and then once a year and finally no sex at all. We moved from me getting to cum often, to occasionally and now to never again. MD used to require me to orally service Her often a couple of times a day, to only occasionally, then told i am only allowed to lick Her ass (only Her lovers are allowed to lick Her p*ssy) and even that She hasn’t allowed me to do in well over a month. MD still uses Her vibrator to cum, but usually when i am not around. 

i believe MD is helping me understand that i will no longer be allowed any sexual gratification. She knows that i love to lick Her, so i am wondering if She is not allowing me now to do that, as Her way of training me to understand that it is not for my sexual pleasure only Hers. MD is the only one who should enjoy any sexual gratification, and if i am to be allowed to participate at all, it should only be to provide Her pleasure, and not to expect it for my pleasure.

 The interesting thing is that this only makes me lust MD even more. i go to bed thinking of Her and wanting to touch Her and wake up in the same manner. She is the most exciting woman i can imagine. The more She denies me, the more i desire Her. But, it is not the same type of lust. i don’t imagine having sex with MD, but i can’t keep my hands off Her. My desire is to want to touch and cuddle, to be in Her presence.  

 Being locked up in chastity and not even being allowed to get hard for almost two months is helping me understand my role. i really am a eunuch. Not only no sex, but i am losing the right to have any sexual gratification. She is taking one desire and transforming it into something even better. i love being MD’s sissy, cuckold, chastity submissive who’s lust for his Wife is ever growing

12/05/2015: In my blog i wrote on Thanksgiving, i mentioned how thankful i was that MD has brought us to the point where we are today. After reading it, She responded, “Let me get this straight, I take away all your power, make you serve me anyway I want and will never let you have sex again and you thank me?” It does sound a bit weird, but the answer is yes!  
 i haven’t blogged as much lately, some due to work demands but some has to do with my new normal. There were a lot of emotions and thoughts running up to October and the first of November. The mental angst of realizing my last time to have sex with MD, getting the new chastity device and being marked permanently with a tattoo of Her “brand”, so i was blogging more; now it is just normal life. i have been locked up in my chastity cage over 5 weeks, with being out only one day for some healing. MD even ordered me a silicone based cage for when i travel. Since MD has said i won’t be getting any more orgasms, it is not even something i think about any longer. i wear panties and a bra every day and they are just a normal part of my wardrobe. My only sexual pleasure that MD allows is licking Her ass or putting my finger in Her p*ssy when She so desires. And though MD sleeps naked in the bed i am not allowed to look at or touch Her. These are just my normal day to day realities.

 So, the abnormal life of a husband who has no power, no money, no sex, no rights, has to dress femme and can’t even see or touch his naked wife is my normal. (This doesn’t even take into account She cuckolds me with other guys and can discipline me any time or way She wants!) Though it sounds very strange to many people, i love my new abnormal normal

11/26/2015:On this great day of cooking, called Thanksgiving, i am reminded of what happened just a couple of days ago. i liken MD’s sexuality to a pot of water that you have simmering on the stove, and occasionally a bubble will come to the top, but apply just a little more heat to it and the bubbles turn into a pot of boiling water. Her sexuality is always there, simmering, but occasionally it just boils over.  
 Last weekend, i turned over in the middle of the night and MD said, “I am going to use my vibrator; take your finger and put it inside me.” Well obviously She didn’t have to tell me twice and i slid my finger in Her tight p*ssy. MD used Her vibrator to have two very intense orgasms. When She was through, MD pushed my hand away from Her, put up Her vibrator and turned over and went back to sleep, without ever saying another word to me. i wasn’t Her lover, i (my finger) was something She wanted to use for Her pleasure and that was it.

 i too rolled over, but wasn’t able to go back to sleep. The experience reminding me of the differences of MD and me. She gets to have orgasms anytime She wants and i never will again. It was amazing watching Her cum and the pleasure She experienced and knowing i won’t ever get to feel that same type of pleasure ever again. It also reminded me how lucky i am when She does share those moments with me. The vast majority of the times, when MD cums it is without me. Whether it is with Her lovers (though She has taken a break from seeing them right now) or whether it is when She uses Her vibrator, those times of Her pleasure, i am usually not around to enjoy. MD has told me that every once in a while, She will allow me to lick Her ass to please Her, but other than that and the occasional time She uses me while She plays with Her vibrator, my time enjoying watching Her cum, is now greatly diminished.

 MD is a sexual vixen; She oozes sensuality. Whether it is in a store having guys stare at Her or on our patio with me staring at Her, MD is a sex goddess. i on the other hand am Her eunuch. She has decided that i no longer need to experience sexual pleasure that that is reserved only for Her and Her lovers. As we were coming to the date when i would get to experience my last orgasm, i wondered what it would be like “on the other side”, once it was final. The reality is now that it has passed, it has been very calming in many ways. (Though i still try to get hard wearing my chastity cage on occasion, which is painful, and amusing to MD.) i rarely think about sex or getting to cum since i know it isn’t going to happen. MD too hasn’t seem to have had second thoughts, in fact, She seems very pleased and firm with Her decision.  

 This Thanksgiving i am so very thankful for what i have, and not concerned with what i no longer have. i am lucky to be the sh to MD. Though two years ago, this lifestyle would not have been something i would have imagined, i could not imagine now going back. Thank you MD for your guidance and leadership to this spot, and can’t wait to where you lead us in the years ahead

11/19/2015:The word “baby” can be used in many different ways. It can mean:
o Child – “She just had her baby”

o Term of affection – “Hey baby”

o Term of derision – “You are just a big baby”

o Pride of Ownership – “That 65 Mustang is my baby”

​MD often calls me “My baby” and in some ways i think She is using that term in each of the ways above. MD says She doesn’t see me as an adult and i no longer have “adult” rights. The rules i have to live by are more of a small child, e.g., i have to get permission to “go potty”, and i have an early bedtime. MD likes reinforcing that though i am in my 50’s to Her i am more of a child than an adult.

 Though MD and i share an “unconventional” marriage, we are very much in love and I know of no other couple that has the kind of loving, passionate and trusting relationship that we do. Though no longer may there be sex between us, there is an incredible amount of passion. I know MD loves me and i am madly and passionately in love with Her.

 Sometimes MD will use a special tone in Her voice indicating that i am acting like a baby and just deal with it. i wouldn’t say that MD is a sadist by any means, but there are times, that MD enjoys seeing me in pain or discomfort. Whether it is making me wear 5 inch high heels, locking me in a dog kennel while She is with a lover, giving me a spanking, or slapping my dick and balls and asking if that hurts, MD enjoys tormenting me. i think MD likes me to have just a bit of fear of what She might do to me, especially if i need to be punished.

 But the most frequent use of “baby” by MD is ownership. She sees me as Her property, as well as Her responsibility. She expects me to obey Her completely and that She has every right to tell me what to do as Her sh. But at the same time, MD feels She has a responsibility, as a good owner, to take care of me and protect me as best as She can. 

 As MD’s sh it is an incredible feeling of being completely powerless and completely protected at the same time. i feel incredibly lucky at one hand and very humiliated in another. Knowing that MD has complete control over me in money, in power and sexually and that i will never again have control in those areas, makes me feel like Her baby.