03/30/2016:

MD is such a tease! Sunday night, She came out to the porch in Her cover up and told me to get the hot tub ready. i proceeded to take off the cover and turn it on, while She stepped in to tub and faced away from me, She took off Her cover up (She was nude) and sat in the bubbling hot water. i got Her a drink and then went and got my pink bikini bottoms on and joined MD in the tub. While we were in the tub, i removed my bikini and MD came over and grabbed my balls and began to play with me. She then grabbed me by my cage and worked at getting me excited, knowing that there was no room in the cage for me to get hard. i told her that i hated my cage at the moment and She just laughed and said “too bad”. After MD got me sufficiently excited and riled up, She went back over to Her side and occasionally began to float just high enough so i could barely see Her pussy and the She would lower Herself back down. MD would also raise just high enough that Her nipples showed and then duck back down under the water. She did this over and over until the timer went off and then MD had me get Her robe and She went back into the house.   

It is one thing to be in chastity, but to have MD tease and deny me is an incredible rush. You would think that if you were locked up in a chastity cage the last thing you want is to be sexually teased, but the opposite is true. In fact, the last thing you want is to be locked up and ignored. i believe that MD loves the rush of power of knowing that She can create such a high level of sexual frustration for me and then turn and leave. For example, sometimes in the car, She will just pull out one of Her breasts and not say anything until i notice and then She puts it back in Her dress and just grin.  

It is not just the “showing” that She does to me to drive me wild, but the comments MD makes are what really drives me crazy! She loves to say things just to make sure to embarrass, humiliate or drive me insane with lust. Some of Her comments, include “that really is small”, “you look cute in your dress”, “baby, you know you used to cum to fast”, “I finally have my eunuch”, “aw you’re cute” (when describing my sexual abilities), “that doesn’t bother me” (when i told her how lustful i was of Her). She loves to point out that i won’t ever get to have cum again, but She will as often as She wants. This past weekend She told me that the only concern i should now have about Her sexual needs are if the batteries in Her vibrator need to be replaced.

MD loves to find ways that continually makes me lust for Her. Though you would think that being in a “sexless marriage” would be boring and unexciting, because of MD’s “Tease & Denial” (T&D) practice, the exact opposite is true. Even though i haven’t had sex with MD in over 5 months, i can honestly say that i continue to be sexually excited by MD every day!

03/27/2016:

Last night, we were outside and MD told our “Echo” from Amazon to play music from Journey. i thought it was appropriate for this past week. This week the “shortened” chastity cage came back from Mature Metal. When MD saw it She said, “Wow, that is pretty short. Go put it on.” i put it on and showed it to Her and She looked very amused. i have been wearing it since Tuesday and so far no issues have developed. Other than Dr. appointments and airline travel, MD said i will be wearing it permanently.   

Between the chastity cage and MD’s reading of my “Sexless” blog last week, MD told that that She finally has what She wanted, me as Her own “eunuch”. MD had decided that is what She wanted almost two years ago and now She has it and She is very pleased. She loves that not only do i never get to cum again, but that i can’t even ever get hard again. MD especially loves making fun of my predicament. We are talking about joining a local swingers club which seems very ironic. All these people enjoying sex and i am totally sexless.

In less than two weeks, we will celebrate our official 2nd MDsh Anniversary. MD is working on a new contract that i will sign to again show that She has total power. She will be adding some amendments and removing the part about me getting sex once a year. i really don’t know what all changes She is making, but it will be interesting to read it and again validating that She is my superior.  

The only thing i would do different if i had to do it all over again, was to have done it sooner. Though it is not easy, it has been great the past two years. We had to run to Lowes today to get a few items for a project MD has given me. i was in the store in panties, bra and wearing a woman’s top. (Since i had a jacket on, it was very difficult for anyone to notice.) i loved knowing that here i was and just two years ago, this would not have happened. Even last night, MD told me that She loved me in femme clothing. Though i don’t know the final destination, i am loving the journey.

3/20/2016

Yesterday morning i was standing in front of MD and was wearing a pink nightgown, a pink robe and a pair of pink fuzzy slippers, all of which MD had given me. After i walked away i thought, wow, a lot has changed in the past couple of years. When i think back to when we started down the road in a WLM, i had no idea where it would lead. The one thing i have learned is that the fantasy of a WLM is much different than reality. In the fantasy world, your “partner” does exactly what you want them to do to you, in reality it is the exact opposite, you have to learn that it is really all about what She wants. This is i have learned that MD wants from me. 

1) She wants me to obey – Not only does MD have rules that i am responsible to follow, e.g., open the car door for Her, ask permission to go “potty”, wear a diaper when i go somewhere by myself. MD also has expectations that i will do whatever She says without complaining or arguing. It is not just doing what you are told, but learning to do it always with the correct attitude. Sometimes, though i may do what i am told, i don’t have the right attitude. i believe i still have a long way to go in learning how to obey.

2) She wants me to be femme – MD expects me to be femme as much as possible. Not only in what i wear underneath my clothes, but also when i am home, what i wear around the house. Most days i put on lipstick after i know we are not going out any more. If we are not going back outside, i will wear either a dress or gown depending on how late it is. In the past two years, i have gone from finding wearing femme clothes as being “erotic” to now being comfortable. My favorite thing to wear when i come home is a pink cotton dress. Not only does it feel comfortable wearing it, it is relaxing. i am very thankful that MD is teaching me to embrace my femininity.  

3) She wants me to be sexless – When we started a WLM, i thought i would just be sexually submissive to MD. i had no idea, that less than two years later, i would become “sexless”. MD has decided that not only does She not want me to experience sex with Her again, but also have no more orgasms and no more erections with the help of my chastity device. (Though my Queens Keep chastity cage is currently being modified). MD does like to tease me about my state though. The other day, we were going down a bumpy road and MD pulled down Her top so i could see Her boobs bounce. She loves the power of knowing that i lust for Her, but i have absolutely no outlet to do anything about it.

4) She wants me to feel powerless – In the WLM contract She wrote and i signed, it says that MD has complete power to make any and all decisions. i agreed that MD is superior to me and that i have no rights to make any decisions unless She deems me that right. Before our WLM, we were equal partners, though i was often submissive to Her. Now, we no longer have a partnership, but a “Queendom”. She is the ruler and i am only allowed a say when She allows it. i can only spend money when She allows it unless it is my allowance. i can’t go anywhere without Her permission. MD has complete freedom to do whatever She wants, where i have no freedom and must seek Her permission in whatever i do.

 All WLMs are different. Some don’t use chastity. Many don’t use cuckolding or sexual abstinence for him. We recognize that we seem “extreme” too many, (though it doesn’t really seem that extreme to us.) We are not advocating that our WLM is right for anyone else. Though this is not what i dreamed when we began, i couldn’t imagine it any other way now. For a WLM to work, it really must be “What She Wants.”

3/06/2016:

This week MD is mailing my chastity cage back to MM to get it resized. The strange thing is i am going to miss wearing it. One of the things i have noticed in reading is that a lot of guys who wear chastity cages for a long time, miss not having them on when they are off for any period of time. Some say it is the weight, some say it is feeling of confinement, others mention the security of not being tempted to masturbate. For me it is the constant knowledge of that i am MD property. i am locked up because She so desires it. It is Her way of reminding me that my dick is of no longer any use for Her. It is a “why bother” reminder.
At least i will have a “replacement” activity while the chastity cage is being resized. MD recently bought me a butt plug that is designed to stimulate the prostate. She wants me to wear it on the days i am working from home. i wore it from 8-4 on Wednesday and Friday this week. It was amazing to have a plug inside me that long. Though not a huge one, it definitely reminds me that is it there. And when i walk it does cause a reaction. i noticed when i went to pee, that i had a little bit of precum dripping on Friday. Though MD wants me locked up, She also wants me healthy, so a prostate “massager” is to be worn once or twice a week now.  

The other thing i have noticed is the way MD and i sleep now. We have always cuddled and sleep in a queen bed. (Of course!) When we stay a hotel, we don’t like when we have to stay in rooms with a King bed. But where we have always cuddled, MD is far more dominant even in Her sleep. Instead of just touching, She puts Her hand on me as if to indicate She owns me. i don’t know exactly how to describe it, but there is a difference even just the past few weeks. MD is more demanding about making me turn over and Her curl in behind me. She will now reach out put Her hand on my chest, even if She is sleeping on Her back. I am Hers, even in Her sleep.   

Not much of a theme this week in this blog. Just some random thoughts that i have had while lying awake. The funny thing is, so many people would be shocked at MD’s and my lifestyle, but to us it seems very normal. i guess that is the theme, the abnormal is now normal.

2/28/2016

In my blog yesterday, i mentioned two embarrassing things that happened this past week. Part of being in a WLM is that as an sh, i must learn to deal with humiliation, as in many ways that is part of being submissive. The “normal” standards of being a man or husband or thrown out and you must accept that being inferior has it consequences. i tried to list my “top 10” humiliation aspects of being sh to MD.

1) Cuckolding – Last year when MD grinned at me while taking J into Her bedroom was one of the most humiliating experiences of being Her sh. It was obvious from the lust in Her eyes that She couldn’t wait to have his 11 inch dick inside Her. Knowing how much sexual frenzy She was going to experience and know that i can never do that for Her is incredibly humiliating. That experience and the other 16 guys She has played with since we have been married will forever be the #1 humiliating experience(s) of my life.

2) Pegging* – Having MD take a dildo and shove it up my ass is incredibly humiliating. Sometimes She has worn it on a harness and f*cked me, and sometimes She just sticks in it Herself. On a couple of occasions She taped it to a plunger and put the plunger on the wall and made me get on all fours and back into it and remain there while She left me in the bedroom and went and watched TV.

3) Dressing Femme – Wearing lipstick, heels and a dress while serving MD. Having to wear panties and a bra every day. MD buying me clothes (She has even held up items in the store and tell me that i would look good in them) and making me try them on reinforces the fact that MD does not see me as a man anymore – She sees me as a sissy boy.

4) Having MD’s Golden Drink – MD has made me drink Her on many occasions. She has stood above me and peed on me while aiming at my open mouth. She has made me kneel and “drink from the source” and on several occasions has peed in a wine glass and made me sip it while She will have a glass of wine. She will often take Her time, so it prolongs the experience for me. i can’t just “gulp” it down, i must drink along with Her and savor it. The look in Her eyes when She does this is incredibly humiliating.

5) Wearing a Diaper – Though not much needs to be said about this, having to stand in front of MD and pee in it and then continue to work is incredibly humiliating. (Luckily that is all She has made me do so far!)

6) Her other lovers – This is different than cuckolding. This is relationship to the totality of MD’s lovers and where i rank in that scale. MD took the challenge of listing all of Her former lovers. Of the 40 or so She listed, it came down to the fact that from a size and stamina aspect, i would be in the bottom 10%.  

7) Being Sexless – Knowing that MD has decided that She is going to make me remain sexless for the rest of my life. She believes that i have no reason to ever cum again and as Her sh, i know that is my future.

8) Spankings – Though MD doesn’t spank me very often, it is incredibly humiliating to lay over her lap while She spanks me. Even worse is when She ties me up and spanks me. Over Her lap spanks are usually with a paddle that stings. When She ties me up, it is usually a punishment spanking and She will use the bigger paddles. Either way, just knowing She has the ability to spank me and i have to accept it is humiliating.  

9) Having to ask permission to go “potty” – No matter how many times i have done this, it is still humiliating to have to ask Her permission to go to the bathroom.

10) Wearing a Chastity Device – Looking down every time i go potty or take a shower and realize i am locked up by Her.

i entitled this #6 as i was thinking in relationship to my blog of yesterday, realizing that between getting smaller (shrinkage) and now having to pay for sexual contact with MD, my own sexuality is very humiliating. Though i have always knew i was a submissive, being an sh is submissiveness on steroids. Being a submissive is sexually exciting; being an sh is sexually humiliating. i think humiliation has such a strong presence in my life as it is the constant reinforcement that i am now inferior to MD. We live together and have an amazing relationship, but in both in words and actions, every day it is clear we are no longer equals. She has rights that i will never have again. She can do whatever She wants and i must always ask Her permission. She is and will remain sexually active and i will never be again.  

MD has had numerous great lovers. Though we had a great sex life from the “connection” part, realizing just how much pleasure that other men have brought Her is amazingly humiliating. MD has the ability to disassociate sex from intimacy. She can enjoy sex with another guy, but not feel any great intimacy. With me it is the opposite, She can enjoy great intimacy with me without any sexual contact. Her sexual enjoyment that She receives from me is the pleasure watching me be so sexually frustrated – to desire Her knowing i can never have Her. To be teased by MD and have Her flaunt Her body knowing that only other men can enjoy it and i can’t (unless i pay) is incredibly torturous. MD loves that frustration in me and knowing that is my only future is incredibly humiliating.   

Whether She specifically contrasts me with Her other lovers, or just knowing the reality, i realize that from being MD’s lover, She has had so much better and will continue to experience so much better. Just that thought makes Her appear powerful and sexy and makes me feel week and humiliated and thus #6 on the list. 

*This will move to #3 when MD decides to allow another man to take me as She has planned and that experience will move to #2.