07/04/2016

MD doesn’t like to refer to me as Her slave. i think She sees that word representing someone who has no choice but to serve, where She sees me as one who knew what i was doing when i signed the contract. She says that i must now live with the consequences of Her ownership of me. For example, MD doesn’t feel bad that i won’t ever get to have sex or even cum again. As She says, “Not my problem, you knew what the contract said when you signed it.” As Her sh, MD doesn’t feel sex or orgasms are necessary for me and feels it impacts my ability to serve Her when i do.  There are plenty of other ways that MD shows Her ownership of me.  

 1) She recently ordered a vibrating butt plug for me that should be here later this month. Now, i realize that many people have vibrating butt plugs, we own a couple already, so what is the big deal? Well this one can be run by cell phone. Normally, the ones that are remote controlled, the person must be within a few feet of the “victim”, but not in this case. The software is loaded on both of our phones and as long as my phone is near me, then She can turn the plug on or off, increase or decrease the intensity, even from hundreds of miles away. Or in my case, at the office, outside working in the yard, driving down the road, etc. Just another way She can control me remotely.  

2) MD also just gave me a new gift last week. It is a glass container that has my key to the chastity cage enclosed that She ordered from a glass smith. Now when i say enclosed, i mean totally encased and there is no way to open it except by breaking the glass. It is a nice pink shade of very fine glass and will now sit on my dresser as a visual reminder that i am permanently locked up. MD still keeps one key in Her safe in case there is an emergency or a doctor visit, but MD said that plan that my device will very rarely come off me. Having the key dangle from the glass rod it hangs from, knowing that i can never have access to it again, is amazing humbling.  

3) Having to pay to play with Her body. Very rarely does MD allow me to lick or touch Her, probably twice this year is all that i can recall. But, if i want, i can ask to pay to lick Her ass or p*ssy. or suck and play with Her breasts. She seems to love making me take my allowance and pay to experience Her. This weekend She told me it would cost over half of my July monthly allowance to lick Her p*ssy and ass and play with breasts. (i paid!) There is nothing more humiliating than having to pay money to just get to play with your Wife. She believes by doing this it keeps me in my place. Other men can enjoy Her and She can enjoy them sexually. But for sissy boys, they have to pay for the right to touch Her. i don’t think MD even considers me in a sexual way any longer. She may think that i am sexy, but She has no desire to have sex with me. That is not my role. i am more like a vibrator or toy; something that can be used to make Her cum, but i have to pay for the privilege of being Her toy.

 It is an amazing feeling knowing that MD owns and controls me. My focus is to serve and submit to Her desires. In the past, when we were doing Domme/sub activities, it was always with an end in mine. There was going to be a time where the scene ended. There is no “scene” any longer. There is no end in sight. The journey is now the goal.

06/04/2016:

A few months ago i wrote a blog about needing almost the smallest cage that MM makes and that my dick seems to be “shrinking”. Well a couple of weeks ago, i was telling MD about an article i read about a guy who was locked in a chastity cage for 6 months and when he was allowed out and got hard, he was smaller than he used to be. We were in the hot tub when i was telling Her this and She said for me to go get my key, as She wanted to see if that was happening to me as well. i got the key and MD told me to unlock myself and make myself hard. Let’s just say the results were not positive. When i finally got “hard”, my erection was noticeably smaller (about 1.5 inches smaller) and i was definitely not “standing proud”. i was very embarrassed, but MD thought it was hilarious. i guess i am only about 4.5 inches now and when you compare that to MD’s former lover “J” who was about 11 inches, you can see the discrepancy.  

MD was so amused She told me to go ahead and see if i could still cum. i thought since i hadn’t cum in over 7 months that my orgasm would be incredible, but no, that wasn’t the case. i had two small squirts and it was over. It wasn’t even a great feeling, almost anti-climatic. Here i am in the hot tub, very embarrassed with my small, almost useless dick in my hand while MD seems very pleased. She said She wanted a sexless husband and She is getting Her wish.   

MD told me that She may put in next year’s contract that i will be allowed to get hard once a year, just so She can monitor my “shrinkage”. But She also said She wouldn’t allow me to cum again. She noticed my submissive attitude was less after i came (even if it wasn’t much) and so MD said She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

MD told me today that after my chores were done, and if we had time to take a nap, that She might allow me to listen to Her cum. My Wife, who can have sex whenever She wants, with whomever She chooses, is the sexiest woman i have ever met. i have told Her that i wish we had started our WLM a long time ago, but the only reason i am glad we waited was all the great sex i had with Her before we started and i love those memories. She asked me this morning if i get depressed or overwhelmed knowing i won’t ever be allowed to have sex again. i told Her that i don’t. i know my role and that is not to be Her lover any longer. A few more months in chastity, and i can’t even imagine trying to have sex with MD. Not only would it be incredibly humiliating, but it would probably be almost impossible. MD’s “sh” = sexless hubby.

06/04/2016:

i am writing this blog in a dress, bra, panties and wearing lipstick, the things i wore to bed last night. Normally, i wear one of several different pink nightgowns to bed, but i was feeling very submissive last night and put this on and just wore it to bed. The reason i was feeling so submissive was due to taking MD to our swinger’s club on Thursday night. 

We both took Friday off to get a project done, so we decided we would go to the swinger’s club on Thursday night, and spend the night at a hotel nearby. At the club we were having a good time, listening to the music and me enjoying watching MD dance with several other ladies. After She came back from the dance floor, a couple who was sitting close to us began to talk to Her. She moved over closer to them and though i couldn’t hear what She was saying, i could hear Her laugh and She was playing with Her beautiful red hair, which is a dead giveaway She is interested. MD began kissing them both and it appeared that they were both sucking on MD’s breasts. (Somehow they magically appeared out of Her dress!) After several minutes of playing together, they all three got up and MD told me that She would be back later.  

This left me sitting by myself in the main part of the club while everyone else was dancing and talking. About 30-40 people saw that She went off with another couple and i felt they knew that i was being cuckolded. MD has told me before that if She goes off with someone else that i am just to wait in the main room and not follow Her. So i was bit surprised to see MD come out of the back area about ten minutes later and signaled for me. i followed Her to the back room, which is called the “play room”. It has a very large round bed with chairs all around the room. The club rule is that you can only get on the bed if you are going to play; if not, you are allowed to sit in one of the chairs and watch. When we got to the room, MD pointed to one of the chairs and said “sit”.  

 In the play room was the other couple, she was topless and he was naked except for one sock (not sure why) and had a well pronounced erection. MD quickly joined them on the bed and proceeded to play with them both. While they were playing, several couples came in and watched. Over the 30 or so minutes MD was playing, i would say 13-17 people came in and observed. (The reason for the odd number was one of the workers at the club kept coming to the door and watching.)   

After a while, the other women climbed off the bed and begin putting her clothes back on. While she was doing so, she kept saying, “oh wow”, “that was incredible”, “amazing”, etc. She wasn’t saying it to anyone else, she was just muttering to herself. While she was doing this, MD and the guy were still going strong, and they played for several more minutes. Finally they finished and MD got off the bed, and grinning, came over and took me by the hand and we went back to the main room. We had another drink and then went back to the hotel.

There is something very surreal in watching your Wife play with other people. Though i don’t get jealous when She plays, it does make me feel incredibly submissive, knowing that She has that right. We don’t have an “open marriage”, we have a “cuckold, chastity marriage”. She can play with whomever She wants and i don’t play at all. When we got back to the room, i noticed my panties were full of precum. (All day Friday, i was still leaking from being so excited.) We got into bed and She cuddled in behind me and went fast asleep. i laid there replaying the evening in my head, until too falling asleep.  

All day yesterday, i felt very submissive to MD and when we got home last night, i wanted to put a dress on. Wearing a dress will either make me feel submissive (as when MD tells me to put one on) or i wear one when feeling especially submissive. There is nothing masculine about wearing a bra/dress/lipstick. They say that women choose what clothes to wear that reflects how they feel. (The old joke that a woman can stand in front of full closet and say that she has nothing to wear. In truth, she may be saying that she doesn’t see what to wear that reflects what she is feeling.) That makes more sense to me now. When feeling especially submissive, i have a strong desire to wear my femme clothes.   

When we got into bed last night, MD told me to turn over and face the wall. She got out one of Her large vibrating dildos and began to play with Herself while i could only listen. In a few minutes, She came hard and we both fell asleep. My sexual activity now – watch and listen.

05/31/2016:Last night MD ordered me to lick Her p*ssy and then turned over and told me to lick Her ass. It wasn’t because She wanted to give me a treat, She just wanted to use for Her pleasure. Normally MD doesn’t allow me to lick Her p*ssy, so last night was an exception.  

 There are three times that i am allowed to play with MD.

1) i have to pay for it. A couple of weeks ago, i asked MD if i could lick Her for $40. Now that doesn’t sound like a lot of money, but it was half my allowance for the month. MD finds it funny that i am willing to spend my money on getting to lick Her. It is incredibly humiliating to have to pay my wife just to get to play with Her and She loves watching me put money in Her “cash jar” before spreading Her legs or turning over so i lick Her ass.

2) When She wants to tease me. MD enjoys seeing how sexually excited She can get me before She turns over and goes to sleep. She may fondle my balls or let me suck on Her breast. She may even let me lick Her to an orgasm, but it is all done to see how “worked up” She can get me. MD then laughs and tells me it is time to go to sleep and i am so excited with lust, that it takes me 30 minutes or more to calm down while She is fast asleep. Not only does She find it amusing, it also makes me incredibly submissive the next couple of days.

3) When MD wants to use me. Like last night, there are times, i am just needed to meet Her sexual needs. As soon as She cums, She turns over and goes to sleep. Whether it is Her vibrator or me, it just depends on the sex toy She wants to use for Her pleasure.

MD doesn’t feel sorry for me that i am no longer allowed to have sex. As She says, “you knew what you were signing up for.” Sexual pleasure is now reserved for Her. My pleasure comes from seeing Her satisfied.

05/29/2016:We were coming home the other night and i said something about having to get something for Her at the club and She said “of course, you are my bitch.” Wow, the words struck an exciting nerve as this is not a term She has used about me very often. MD continues to grow in Her superiority over me (and thus my inferiority towards Her). Though still nice, She is becoming more and more demanding in making me serve Her, in any way She so desires.  

Having traveled down the road of MD being in charge, there is no way either of us would ever go back. In fact, MD said it is only going to be pronounced in the future. The first thing is that when the new house is complete, when i enter the house, MD said She is going to hang my clothes i am to wear for the night in the mudroom. Once i enter the kitchen, i am to be dressed in my femme clothes for the rest of the evening. MD continues to struggle with me coming home from work in my “control” mode and not being in the correct submissive mindset. She wants to make me realize, that even before i come into the house, i will be Her femme/sissy.

MD also told me that She is getting ready to want to see me with another guy. We had met with a couple of guys several months ago, but neither worked out so MD dropped it. She told me a few days ago, that She has been thinking a lot about it and wants to see me have to suck off a guy and then have to bottom for him. To be made to be used sexually for another guy is something hard to imagine, but MD loves the thought of me being with another guy. Just another way She controls and drives me deeper into submission. 

And lastly, MD just placed an order for a remote controlled vibrating butt plug She saw online. Though we have a couple of butt plugs already, this one can be controlled by Her iPhone. Where in the past, i had to be sitting next to Her, She can now control it while i am at work, or in town, even if She is not there. She told me that She loved the idea of being at the swingers club and going back to play with a couple and leaving me out in the main room with the plug being turned on while She is having sex in the back. 

MD’s bitch! i am Hers to use, however She so chooses. i am Her servant, Her sissy, Her toy and Her bitch. i am so lucky! 

Butt Plug – https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/hush-plug-control-via-smartphone-from-anywhere#/

05/08/2016:

Some people use the acronym “FLR” or Female Led Relationship, but we prefer the term Wife Led Marriage or “WLM”. There are many different ways these types of relationships can be lived and there is no “correct way”. There is a right way for us though, and that is for me to recognize and live under MD’s complete authority. MD told me the other day that She loves having all the power and authority in our relationship, but still can’t understand why i love living under Her control. i agree it is hard to explain, why i want to have to live in submission to Her, but i still find it difficult to believe that She wants to be in total control all of the time.   

MD does not have a drill sergeant mentality where She orders me around all the time, but She simply states what She wants and i am expected to obey. i guess the best description of MD is that She has expectations. She will go to the car door and expect me to come open and close it for Her. She expects me to open the door for Her when we go to a restaurant or store. She expects me to walk beside the cart in the store unless She gives me permission to go look at something. There are many more examples, but the point is, She doesn’t have to scream or shout at me to provide guidance. It is if i am Her personal symphony and She is the conductor. i follow Her lead and She directs me to what She wants me to do.  

Now there are times that MD will get stern with me. Yesterday, i wanted to go do a project at the house. MD was worried about my back but i insisted that i was fine. She finally looked at me said, “You will do whatever i say”, and that ended the discussion. MD has also taken a paddle to me before for arguing with Her, but most of the time when She spanks me is because She loves the rush of making me meekly submit before Her, knowing and watching my ass turn red, as i am humiliated by Her power and authority over me.

Thought i know that there are couples around the world that live in FLR’s or WLM’s, i expect that MD is on the high scale of being in total control. But MD has always been a rarity. Not only is She a true redhead (only 3% of the population), but i read Her an article about female orgasms yesterday and it said, that only 30% of women can have orgasms through intercourse alone (MD can). The article said that most women can’t have multiple orgasms (MD can) and that it takes on average about 20 minutes of sexual stimulation for many women to have an orgasm, (that would be closer to 20 seconds for MD.) i won’t even mention Her beauty, musical talents, photographic mind and Her amazing body.

The fact is MD is an incredibly sexy woman and wants to be in total control. i on the other hand, have embraced and agreed to live in sexless submission to Her. The yin and yang; positive and negative; magnetic attraction, however you describe it works for us. i am the submissive negative charge to Her positive dominance and because of it, we choose to live in a WLM

You are whatever I say you are.” And with that simple statement, MD described my life, our marriage and our future. Last week, we were discussing an article i had read and i made a statement about my role when MD very simply stated that i would be whatever She so chose.  

It is an amazing feeling knowing that MD has such total control of me. Whether it be legally, financially or sexually, MD has complete authority and control and that is what She wants. This is not something i dreamed up and She is just “going along with it”. MD has decided that She loves being in control of me and requiring that i submit to Her authority.

Though it sounds illogical, there is a lot of freedom in living in a WLM. Knowing that my focus is to be on serving MD, in some ways is very freeing of distractions. i don’t wonder any longer when i wake up in the mornings, will i get to have sex tonight or not. As far as decisions, MD may (or may not) ask my opinion about a decision or purchase She is about to make, but i have no authority to argue or overrule Her. She sets the agenda and schedule for the day and if i want to go somewhere or do something, i must get Her permission. MD often makes a list of items that i must do and She marks them off once they are complete. She is the boss and i must simply obey Her.

Though in a way it is freeing to know that i live under MD’s authority, it is also incredibly humiliating. Every morning when i get up and slip on my panties and a bra before going to work, or put on my pink nightgown before bed, i do it as a sign that MD controls me. i wear these items not for sexual gratification, but because She wants me to always realize that i am no longer the “man of the house”, but Her sh. When i look down in the shower and see my dick permanently locked up in a steel chastity cage, i am constantly reminded that i am now forever sexless. When i have to ask MD for permission to “go potty”, it is a reminder how powerless i am now. When i wear my shorts showing my shaved legs and my tattoo, i again realize how much of a sissy, i have become. MD does all these things and more, too always remind me of my place and that She has power and authority over me.  

Learning to be a good submissive is not always easy. Sometimes without even realizing it, my “take control” attitude comes out and MD has to put me back in my place. MD is teaching me how to be Her sh and i definitely have a ways to go to be what She expects and deserves. Though i am still learning how to be “whatever She says”, as of now, i am Her sexless, sissy, submissive, servant husband.

4/09/2016:Yesterday, i signed our newly amended WLM contract that MD had written. In this new version, not only did MD remove the clause where i was allowed to have sex with Her on our anniversary, but She specifically added that i would now no longer be allowed to have sex with Her. MD also added a clause that i will now remain locked in my chastity cage unless for travel or doctor visits. Other items that remained in the contract include:
• MD has the full authority to make any decision and i must obey Her.

• She has a Power of Attorney to be able to legally sign for me (this allows Her to create financial accounts and move money however She wishes without my knowledge or consent.)

• That MD has the right to take other lovers whenever and however She so chooses and i have no right to interfere or argue.  

• It specifically states that She is the superior in the relationship and i am the inferior.

• That if i act in an unfaithful manner, that i will be sent away with only $1500 and a couple of personal items and will forfeit my rights to all bank and retirement accounts.

• Only MD has the right to cancel or amend the contract.

 There was also a couple of new clauses added:

• Once a month i can pay $10 for the privilege to be able to lick MD’s ass. (So last night, i put $10 in Her money jar!)

• On occasion MD, at Her discretion, may put a “coupon” on my pillow that allows me to lick Her p*ssy, but if i don’t see it, then i forfeit my chance.  

 MD printed out both the new and old versions of the contract and told me to go read. When i finished, i signed the new contract and it is again official. Though signing the contract is part of our renewal ceremony of our WLM, MD knows that it also creates more legal authority. Though the contract would already hold up in court, by me agreeing and signing every year, i can’t say i didn’t mean it or didn’t know what i was agreeing to. Though i knew i would be signing the contract again, it does make me feel even more inferior to MD realizing that She has all the power in our relationship and i have none. Though MD often asks my opinion on certain things, just as often She now doesn’t.  

 It has been amazing to watch the growth of MD this past year, especially in Her feeling comfortable in Her role as ruler. (Yes, that term is also in the contract describing Her.) In the contract it also describes me as “servant”. So as Her servant, yesterday i again acknowledged and agreed that She is my ruler and i am under Her total control. i have never been happier!

04/06/2016:

Tomorrow marks our second anniversary as MDsh. To say the least, it has been a wild ride. To see where we started and where we are now is unbelievable. To realize that since a year ago, i was only allowed inside MD twice, and that for a total of about 40 seconds. (They say the average for a man can last 3.5 to 7.5 min per sexual experience. i asked MD and She said all but one of Her seven lovers, these past couple of years, have lasted at least that long, some much longer.) And now my time with Her last October was my last time to ever get to have sex with Her or even get to cum again. i am in a chastity cage, full time and permanent. i now am now no longer allowed to lick MD’s p*ssy. i wear a bra and panties daily, and have more dresses in my closet than MD does.  

The other thing i look back and see is how much better we are. Overall my health is better, (other the weight i still need to lose.) Our finances are much better since MD took over; we have reduced our expenses and increased our savings. Though now not sexually active, our intimacy level has never been higher. We love being together and i hate the nights where i have to be gone from Her for work.  

MD says that She is working on our new contract, which we will review and i will sign again tomorrow. i do know it will again say that She is in total control and i am inferior to Her. That is what i want to work on next year, is to make sure my attitude is always reflective that i understand that She is my superior and i must always reflect that in my attitude and behavior. There have been a couple of times recently that MD said i was “topping from the bottom”. That is an area i need to improve. My personality is one of “taking control and getting things done”. That is fine at work, but when i am at home, my attitude needs to reflect, i am no longer in control, that She is. My job is not to make decisions but to obey Hers. She is superior to me and i am inferior to Her. The way it works best.

03/30/2016:

MD is such a tease! Sunday night, She came out to the porch in Her cover up and told me to get the hot tub ready. i proceeded to take off the cover and turn it on, while She stepped in to tub and faced away from me, She took off Her cover up (She was nude) and sat in the bubbling hot water. i got Her a drink and then went and got my pink bikini bottoms on and joined MD in the tub. While we were in the tub, i removed my bikini and MD came over and grabbed my balls and began to play with me. She then grabbed me by my cage and worked at getting me excited, knowing that there was no room in the cage for me to get hard. i told her that i hated my cage at the moment and She just laughed and said “too bad”. After MD got me sufficiently excited and riled up, She went back over to Her side and occasionally began to float just high enough so i could barely see Her pussy and the She would lower Herself back down. MD would also raise just high enough that Her nipples showed and then duck back down under the water. She did this over and over until the timer went off and then MD had me get Her robe and She went back into the house.   

It is one thing to be in chastity, but to have MD tease and deny me is an incredible rush. You would think that if you were locked up in a chastity cage the last thing you want is to be sexually teased, but the opposite is true. In fact, the last thing you want is to be locked up and ignored. i believe that MD loves the rush of power of knowing that She can create such a high level of sexual frustration for me and then turn and leave. For example, sometimes in the car, She will just pull out one of Her breasts and not say anything until i notice and then She puts it back in Her dress and just grin.  

It is not just the “showing” that She does to me to drive me wild, but the comments MD makes are what really drives me crazy! She loves to say things just to make sure to embarrass, humiliate or drive me insane with lust. Some of Her comments, include “that really is small”, “you look cute in your dress”, “baby, you know you used to cum to fast”, “I finally have my eunuch”, “aw you’re cute” (when describing my sexual abilities), “that doesn’t bother me” (when i told her how lustful i was of Her). She loves to point out that i won’t ever get to have cum again, but She will as often as She wants. This past weekend She told me that the only concern i should now have about Her sexual needs are if the batteries in Her vibrator need to be replaced.

MD loves to find ways that continually makes me lust for Her. Though you would think that being in a “sexless marriage” would be boring and unexciting, because of MD’s “Tease & Denial” (T&D) practice, the exact opposite is true. Even though i haven’t had sex with MD in over 5 months, i can honestly say that i continue to be sexually excited by MD every day!